Time away


Time away something that’s needed me myself & I no freak bitches deleting all the threads fuck all them conversations it’s a new me approaching get to know the new me can’t come around no fraudulent vibes don’t show me a vibe you can’t maintain stop lying leave while the door open know I can be insecure know I’m hurtful with my words hope I don’t destroy your ego even know you took my mind away needed to getaway know my love pure made mistakes brainwashed myself smoking all this weed became lazy maybe it’s the people around me not doing much with they life mad at me when we link not inviting nobody rather be alone talking about where the freaks tired of freaks not into easy pussy give me your inner thoughts feed me knowledge give me chills when you come around fuck sex can I lay on your thighs tell you everything that took my heart away tell you about my son name hopefully you like it Dushane Greyson Harrell
See his face in my dreams hope to have a family don’t want no baby mama drama want someone forever lost to many good girls turned them all cold made my bed now I’ll lay on the bed full of nails don’t worry the pain I’ve been through can handle anything God throw my way know what came with the choices I’ve made in my life needed be more dependable be a man of my word be forgetting I even said shit smoke and forget everything just some random words on my mind not digging deep in my soul see my pain in my eyes my momma I sad the other day death comes for us all in the end I’m ready whenever my time comes hope I made a impact on someone life hope you see my thoughts when you close yours eyes only for awhile I swear to come back with something deeper hope you can wait for me if not I understand hope I’m your favorite hope your never give up on me just needed give my mind a break needed get away phone on leave me alone be watching my phone ring playing sleep not into conversations sitting in a dark room with my thoughts opening every page of my mind rewinding watching old memories like I can relive them wish some my friends didn’t die wish my friends didn’t have life in the can hope my brother make it out alive heard he in there fight for his life heard his mind all fucked up my nigga smoked some laced weed had his mind racing I pray my Dawg shake back shit getting crazier more bodies dropping it’s closer to home lost my brother won’t say Rest In Peace still want go to a funeral don’t want see nobody cold wanna see you smiling saying مارفن they really don’t know me they calling me Mar don’t like the new company I’ve been keeping leaches snakes in disguise been letting mother fuckers trick me out my spot playing with my intelligence like I didn’t already peep you hope you know I’m not mad disappointed in myself for holding on so long don’t know how to love & honestly feel like nobody for me cause what I want seem so hard to find someone who loves to talk start the intimacy my love language is deep talks touching & someone who gives hundred percent don’t leave me in the blind that’ll have me overthinking negative thoughts swallowing my mind got me in my feelings cutting you off don’t want any stress don’t want to add on with someone else bullshit when I’m already walking through the storm myself can’t give you my umbrella I’m finally drying off getting closer to my home paradise almost free only for awhile I’ll miss you too don’t worry I’ll hit you here & there maybe don’t want to lie to you so don’t quote me on that cause I’m at peace all alone so please don’t disturb me I’ll back in awhile just need some time away hope you know I’m cleaning my mind
it’s tainted ruined in better perspective leaving wasn’t easy but it’s only for a while I’ll see you soon promise to stay strong understand if you can’t hold on be everything you deserve the stars & every planet in the Galaxy never settle for less don’t look pass any red flags protect your heart don’t give in so easily love yourself don’t be so prideful get out your head time to move forward don’t look back any more fuck them past relationships friendships whatever live stress free be great love self travel invest open your mind see you soon.

Your Truly.

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

There I was
Breathing heavily as
I run away from an hooded guy
With a knife.
I couldn’t see who it was.
But tried to run away.
I ran as fast as my heavy legs could carry
And any minute I tarry.
My soul becomes a merry.
The figure ran after me.
I felt my heart pounding.
This was the end.
I beg thou Lord
Please accept my soul.
My soul thou to keep

When you look in my eyes and tell me I’m beautiful.
Will you do the same in front of your friends at all costs?

Will I still be the one you want when the world is watching?
Will you still hold me when your ex’s parents walk in?

Tell me I’m in all your dreams,
Tell me I’m the reason you breathe.

Will you do it in front of everyone and when there’s no one?

I think about it too often.
But will I be the one when everyone and no one is watching?

Will I still be your prize when I’m close to fifty nine?
Will you tell your friends that I’m your life?

Will I be enough for you, with the blinds closed and in front of judging eyes?
In front of strangers, will you say that you never need to see the northern lights because you are holding the sight?

Will I be enough for you when everyone and no one is watching?

When your hurt, will you call on my name on the edge of time?
Will you do the same when your family stay the night?

Will I be enough for you when everyone and no one is watching?

The first time I saw you,
I don’t remember how I felt.
Was I good to you,
Or did I only cry?

How you looked
Or how I looked to you
What you felt
When you first saw me,
How you felt
when you held me in your arms.

Did I cry or smile?
Was I a bother?
Did I make you suffer?
Were you happy
When I called your name for the first time,
Or when I looked at you with a smile?

Did you ever hate me,
Or do you hate me now?
I don’t know,
I seem to know nothing about you..
But you know everything about me.

I don’t remember how you looked when I first saw you,
But I will always remember your face till the day I die.
You will probably be the only person
I will think of on my deathbed.

Even someday when we won’t be together.
I will never really stop loving you as long as I live,
No matter how far apart we may be.
No matter how much I may hate you,
But I love you more than anything.

You have a whole lot of people around you,
But for me, you’re the only one I can see.
In this crowded world, you’re the only one I know.
So please do not ever leave me behind.
As long as I live, stay by my side.

At times, you make me feel suffocated,
But you’re the only one I can think of when I am sick.
Your name is the only thing my heart remembers in pain.
I may not remember how you looked when I first saw you,
But you’ll be the only one I will remember till my last breath.

If ’love’ really is real, you will be the only person I will ever love,
Even if it hurts, you will be the only one.
So till the day I die, please stay by my side,
Don’t ever leave me behind.

I may not be your first,
But you will be the only one for me,
I hope you know that, mom.

”Step up in front of the class!”
”Describe yourself with one word”
”No inappropriate choices or phrases, don’t make it absurd!”

I curse myself seeing she picks me first
My classmates were now immersed, in my next move
I disapprove, of the laughing I hear from the back of the room
With my hands shaking, I utter ”Failure”

The teacher glances
But I’ve been on my best behavior

The laughing grows louder
The teacher scolds, how her, choice
Of words created a riot
And made the kids anything but quiet

”No, let me explain!”
”Please sit down, we don’t have all day.”
The cycle of failure continues to replay

Would you be scared?
If you saw me jump off a bridge.
Would you run and try to save me or stand there and watch?
Would you be scared?
If you saw me drawing red lines on myself with a knife.
Would you hide and watch or tell me to stop?
Would you be scared?
If you saw a group of guys trying to take advantage of me.
Would you stand there and watch or try to tell them to stop?
Would you be scared?
If you saw me trying to hang myself.
Would you just peek through the door and watch me suffocate or save my life?
Would you be scared?
If you found me dead in the woods.
Would you walk away from my body or tell people you found me?
No sorry, The real question is,
Would you save me?

You tell me you love me yet you can’t answer me.

Would you save my life?
If you saw a group of guys beating me up
Would you run up and tell them to stop or stand there in watch?
Would you call me a punk?
If I told you these girls took advantage of me.
Would I still be your #1?
Would you be there for me?
If you saw me crying alone?

Yes.

There’s a difference between you and me.
I never told you ”I loved you” yet I still try to show it.
But you, you just say that you love me. Yet you never show it.

Don’t look at me
Don’t stare
Those glares
And those sneers
Your whispers
Your words
Like a sword

The way you look at me
The way you’re whispering
The way you’re giggling
I know nothing’s real
Just my twisted fantasy

And I know no one’s staring
No one’s glaring
And those sneers
Those whispers
Those words
Aren’t meant for me
But I can’t shake this feeling
I can’t stop my trembling
And I start stammering

My mind goes blank
I forget walking
Forget talking
And I gasp for air
Because I forget to breathe
No, I can’t shake this feeling
And I can’t stop my trembling.

But I know, I know
Those stares
Those glares
Those sneers
Those whispers
Those words
Are just my twisted fantasy
Yet no, I can’t shake this feeling
It holds me in its grip, you see,
This twisted fantasy
My anxiety.

Those words
Those eyes
Those pretty, pretty lies
Your face
Your smile
Your honey-dripping voice
I know they’re all my imagination
Because I don’t deserve
Any of those compliments

You tell me
I am pretty
I am cute
I am perfect
I am everything
And I have everything
You ever wished for
But couldn’t get
I want to believe
Believe all those
Pretty, pretty
Lies.

I don’t want to be this way
I just want to feel okay
I don’t know what I should say
Or do
I don’t want to loathe
Myself
And I just want to run away
From all the pain
Fears
Tears
Regrets
Mistakes
I want to disappear
And never feel this way.

My insecurity
My anxiety
Won’t let me breathe
Won’t let me feel okay
Won’t let me believe
Those pretty, pretty
Lies,
Or truths?


Dedicated to you Dear Anxiety :|




#poetrycontestbyI.B

My heart 1


Condemn me for my sins
Throw it in my face; I’m just like my father. words hurt, huh
Tell me, what’s the last thing
You did besides live in a fantasy
Land creating madness, killing happiness, pushing every bitch
Away didn’t mean to call you bitch if you ever get pushed to the point where physical violence becomes a thing. Remove yourself, save yourself. They are not going to see your Vision till you show them
Tell them the real keep your fears exposed, live fearless, be heard my nigga Condemn me for my sins. I’m not perfect. Yes, I’m still learning. Yes, I’m painting a beautiful picture at the end
Don’t link me with gossip
Not really friendly sorry to me for not Being close to my goals got out of my sight, sorry to me for letting foolishness get in the way
Should be healing getting away
From the plan, stupid me back
Focus long conversations about
What needed be done, stupid me
Got lost in the sauce little baby thought I cheated stupid you how you think you got a lick back when I never stepped out of bounds stupid you Condemn
Me for my sins asking for forgiveness wash me in the blood of Jesus Condemn me for my sins
Can’t sleep when I’m not where I want to be at out working everybody writing, hoping someone feels me judge me don’t give a fuck this my truth my life been a fight since sliding out the pussy born with a crazy condition liver had to be removed a piece of my dads in my body they told my mom, I wouldn’t be able to do anything to being able to do everything beat all the odds death been knocking not time yet nigga got more living to do still haven’t had a family yet don’t see myself dying no time soon future looking brighter
See my plans working hear what they say I should do have a different method, have a different strategy would get deeper into it you’ll watching it grow in front of your eyes hope you proud of me for finally seeing the light in all this darkness killing all bad habits loving self-feeding my brain eating better learning to open up been so closed in used to be scared to live cause of my condition, telling myself bullshit to stay in nowhere land running for my life to a better life how can you hate me all I’ve ever did was show love feel me you do something wrong won’t speak on it know what you did I cherish your life think you should more see why people be dying snakes in disguise as friends & females pushing people to the point you’re life & my freedom doesn’t matter anymore free my brothers they all got trapped by the system back home to repeat the same action couldn’t be me did my dirt won’t get deeply into it won’t indict myself Condemn me for my sins my heart has changed done stressing got some growing to do can feel the change in my heart
My mind under Construction
Whole thought pattern changed
In a blink of an eye more comfortable in my skin, seeing myself in the mirror, motivated beyond measurement. The sky is the limit & it isn’t a limit on how far I’m going first in my family to do everything you’ll see mark my words feel my words fell in love with the ink if it ever dries up my heart has flat line & my story will live forever for generation & generation to come to never give up & give life everything make mistakes learn from them don’t regret anything save all your money don’t try to keep up with someone else keep up with yourself keep your eyes on your own paper never take for shortcuts grind nothing is given to you must work for your wants life a bitch I know keep your head up & keep pushing through stay calm through the storm.


love forever
- برينتون نيكولاسي

I drown in sadness, I sink in despair
I drown in sadness, I have no air
I drown in sadness, I lose my sight
I drown in sadness, I have no light

But then you come, you come to me
But then you come, you come to see
But then you come, you pull me up
But then you come, you fill my cup

You lift me up, you give me hope
You lift me up, you give me scope
You lift me up, you make me smile
You lift me up, you make me style

You are my savior, my unexpected friend
You are my savior, my unexpected end
You are my savior, my unexpected joy
You are my savior, my unexpected boy

You are just like a dream, so vivid yet surreal,
Even as I chase after you, like a child chasing a butterfly, you’d disappear,
You’ll fly to the sky, too high, out of my reach,
And I wake up in a reality where you do not exist.

The memories of those dreams fade as I open my eyes,
Though I don’t remember your face anymore, dear,
Your oceanic eyes, your radiant smile, I still remember vividly in my mind,
The sound of your laughter still echoes in my ears.

My heart still holds the pain near,
I recall your voice and your face, strained with tears,
Cascading like rain from the sky, like snow on a winter’s night.
A faint smile, a pained look on your face, that you used to hide.

I still remember everything, though you’re no longer near,
As if it were just yesterday when you were here,
Everything reminds me of you, I fear,
My heart aches at the mere thought of you, dear.

Like sunrays, your memories linger,
And reach even the darkest corners of my heart.
They won’t leave me alone, find their way,
Haunt me until I go insane.

William Reed sits on his leather recliner a top his two story penthouse an accomplished assassin indeed but healthy as he sips on fresh grounded coffee beans straight from his garden not taking a liking to brandy as a killer he must have something wrong with him right? Yes you’d be right while sipping on his black coffee he takes generous bites of his favorite white chocolate King Cream *Sips ahhh* m-Master a young woman crawls from inside his bedroom she has quite the figure looks to be in her mid twenties brunette there seems to be bruises on her skin she’s wearing a blindfold and there a gag hanging just below her mouth. I think there’s something wrong with my sister after her comes a sickly looking blonde woman mid twenties but this time her skin is riddled with sores and open wounds without saying a word the blonde crawls over using every ounce of her strength to pull herself on to her masters lap one last time he pets her in her final moments until she passes away all too soon and her warm blood starts to turn cold don’t worry he mutters The wretched bastard who did this too you will burn in hell you won’t be alone.

Rain

So in love with
The rain tryna
Find the rhythm
Wit two left
Feet love the
Rain wanna
Slow dance
In the rain let’s
Kiss passionately
tongue all over
Your neck
Love the Rain
storming all night
Flood da sheets
It’s a ocean in my bed
rain on me
deep in her guts
  no quick Busting
Cmon baby let’s switch
positions suck it sloppy
got me sprung like ankles
storming All night
flood the sheets
got her screaming
All night no minute man
Don’t even drink Minute Maid
Made her cum five times
need you to come some more
Rain on me baby don’t tap out
On me..

Yours truly
- برينتون نيكولاسي