It’s funny how someone less than a month can you feel comfortable loved safe and cherish . Feel so safe with you even though you are far away yes I’ve been in toxic relationships that was abusive mentally and physically but with this feels safe and secure.

His warm smile , big bright eyes with thick lashes don’t even mention that thick sexy lips and the sound of his laughter makes my day.

He’s one in a million and I don’t want to lose him our conversation are fun we would talk everyday and every night and it’s funny how I didn’t notice him for two years.

Well kinda I was rude in the first part and all who knows me my mouth is nasty I don’t have any manners 😂it’s not something I’m proud of but I like it like that rude and bitter 🫶🏾👌

Just the sight of him gets me horny my pussy wet and mouth wetter I can’t control my hormones for him I just want to fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkk don’t even mention suck the things I want to do with him ohhh lord I know I’m hell .

I just want to him beat that dick on my lip before entering my throat gag on it and watches his eyes roll and toes curl .

Swear this nigga brings out the freak in me like I don’t wanna spit I wanna swallow and keep his babies safe and warm.

When I first saw you I wasn’t so sure
Who is this man?
Will he replace Miss L?
I thought you were gross and weird
I was unsure of you
But then I asked you the question
I tried to get Miss but you answered first instead
The answer: yes
The topic: Sherlock
Your answer: you like it
Just like me, loving Andrew Scott
And I knew you were going to be awesome

The first time I found your help
I wanted Miss, not you
But it wasn’t so bad
In fact, you gave me confidence and a personal pride
So I knew you were going to be awesome

Later on, not much farther
Bullies and haters came to haunt me
To hunt me, to hurt me
But I knew where to go
I came to you
I came to safety
I came to advice
You got me through and helped me grow
Told me not to fight back and flare up
And it worked
They left
So I thank you for that

As the year passed, I grew even more
I grew shyer, stronger, lonelier
I had rough patches
Full of self-hate, pain and sadness
But I knew where to come
I knew who would help
I came to you

You saved my life
Saved my soul
Brought back my emotions
Brought back desire to live
Brought back my hope
No suicidal thoughts now
Just you and your advice spinning in my head
Telling me it will be ok
Telling me life’s beautiful
Telling me things will get better

A couple months later
And many talks later
I finally felt alive
No more fresh cuts and no more hard stares
I think I have emotions now
Small infrequent insignificant emotions, but emotion nonetheless
I don’t know if it feels nice or gross
But I’ll follow your advice and say that they’re normal

You gave me a whole new perspective on life
Maybe I can change my future
I don’t have to end it
I am not a heartless person
There are a rare few people who actually don’t hate me
You were not wrong when you said I’d feel different - I do
And you are the reason I’m here today

And then I found guitar, found music
Escape from reality and my key to speciality
Found out you liked it too
Came for advice to you
You taught me alot to know
And supported too

I guess you’ve become like a surrogate father to me
Like Miss is like a surrogate aunt to me
You both are like family
Both are like friends
I apologize if I push the boundaries and annoy you sometimes
I just have a very stubborn personality
And a strange desire for company
If I have a lonely or sad day, there’s a high chance I’ll come to you
Just to chat or get advice
To just talk it out or share my news
To feel less alone
But thank you for somehow putting up with me so far

As you probably know, I am really shit at emotions
So I try to express gratitude through tiny stuff such as
Gifts, compliments and chats
But I apologise if they’re getting annoying

We have so much in common and I don’t think I can ever let you go
Dread the day I’ll have to say goodbye
But it’s inevitable
So for now all I have to say is thank you
Thank you for everything
Thank you for being like a lifeline
A person I go to if I’m ever on the brink of breaking
See you another day
Another day that, without your advice and encouragement, I never would have made.

In a garden filled with the sun’s gentle gloom,
The air brims with the fragrance of flowers that bloom.

Amidst the colorful and verdant garden,
They stand apart with their colorless petals, laden.

Daisies, an emblem of innocence and purity,
Just like their white hue, cute and admirable, in all their beauty.

In the garden brimming with different hues,
Faces turned to the sun, they gently sway, no blues.

Dancing to the beat of nature’s symphony,
Daisies symbolize new beginnings, so sweet and carefree.

Even without color, they remain pretty and neat,
Standing apart among the colors, a joyful feat.

Emblem of joy and cheerfulness, just what we need,
They stand tall, white petals swaying gently in the sun’s heed.

Amidst the pretty and colorful garden, their colorless petals sway,
Even though they’re different, they brighten the day.

P.S. I’m not really a flower lover but I tried.
I dedicate this to you Daisy (yk who you are lol=)
I wrote this in response to Scarlett Snow’s comment suggestion.
🌼🌼🌼

Turned towards the knife,
The precipice promised relief
From the cut of a thousand fractures,
And I thought how easy it would be—
One step to end the pain.

Love doesn’t come in cute packages, it just happens~
There is no guarantee or warranty attached to it,
Nor you weigh it against gains or losses.
The heart opens up and falls, just a free fall.

Double crossed by people I thought loved me crazy thing is I saw the fuck shit didn’t wanna believe it was supposed to hold me down like my spine my fault for thinking everybody loyal like me got bitches on my line who want me for the sex but who gonna cherish me looking for love in a dark place swear it’s only getting worse cause I’m older tired of these hoes want me a real one tired of popping these perks stomach in my back right now cause I’m craving them tens can’t shake the feeling got duck tape on my wounds reopening every wound heart full of pain glad to be a stoic enduring all this pain wondering if God listening cause every time I make that prayer for you to remove all the negativity from my life you expose all the fakes in a matter of seconds shit get deep like watching your friend die in front of your face seen my death in my dreams hope it’s painless hope they don’t cry for me don’t worry I’m not weak won’t go to the park & end it all I’m too alive just know it’s dark again love the rain know I don’t mind the pain it’s all apart of life she a bitch who love slow dancing in the rain
& I’m out here with her asking her the fuck you want from me heart all black like the pavement still in the streets like the lines in the road miss all my brother who up the road still round the same niggas who taught me everything it’s still never  leave my brothers till my heart flat line
Can’t believe my dawg died who .gonna help sis raise them kids
This my heart in these pages pouring my whole heart out won’t lie in these pages promise to get deeper & create something beyond your wildest dreams thank you for
reading.

Yours truly
- برينتون نيكولاس.

Time away


Time away something that’s needed me myself & I no freak bitches deleting all the threads fuck all them conversations it’s a new me approaching get to know the new me can’t come around no fraudulent vibes don’t show me a vibe you can’t maintain stop lying leave while the door open know I can be insecure know I’m hurtful with my words hope I don’t destroy your ego even know you took my mind away needed to getaway know my love pure made mistakes brainwashed myself smoking all this weed became lazy maybe it’s the people around me not doing much with they life mad at me when we link not inviting nobody rather be alone talking about where the freaks tired of freaks not into easy pussy give me your inner thoughts feed me knowledge give me chills when you come around fuck sex can I lay on your thighs tell you everything that took my heart away tell you about my son name hopefully you like it Dushane Greyson Harrell
See his face in my dreams hope to have a family don’t want no baby mama drama want someone forever lost to many good girls turned them all cold made my bed now I’ll lay on the bed full of nails don’t worry the pain I’ve been through can handle anything God throw my way know what came with the choices I’ve made in my life needed be more dependable be a man of my word be forgetting I even said shit smoke and forget everything just some random words on my mind not digging deep in my soul see my pain in my eyes my momma I sad the other day death comes for us all in the end I’m ready whenever my time comes hope I made a impact on someone life hope you see my thoughts when you close yours eyes only for awhile I swear to come back with something deeper hope you can wait for me if not I understand hope I’m your favorite hope your never give up on me just needed give my mind a break needed get away phone on leave me alone be watching my phone ring playing sleep not into conversations sitting in a dark room with my thoughts opening every page of my mind rewinding watching old memories like I can relive them wish some my friends didn’t die wish my friends didn’t have life in the can hope my brother make it out alive heard he in there fight for his life heard his mind all fucked up my nigga smoked some laced weed had his mind racing I pray my Dawg shake back shit getting crazier more bodies dropping it’s closer to home lost my brother won’t say Rest In Peace still want go to a funeral don’t want see nobody cold wanna see you smiling saying مارفن they really don’t know me they calling me Mar don’t like the new company I’ve been keeping leaches snakes in disguise been letting mother fuckers trick me out my spot playing with my intelligence like I didn’t already peep you hope you know I’m not mad disappointed in myself for holding on so long don’t know how to love & honestly feel like nobody for me cause what I want seem so hard to find someone who loves to talk start the intimacy my love language is deep talks touching & someone who gives hundred percent don’t leave me in the blind that’ll have me overthinking negative thoughts swallowing my mind got me in my feelings cutting you off don’t want any stress don’t want to add on with someone else bullshit when I’m already walking through the storm myself can’t give you my umbrella I’m finally drying off getting closer to my home paradise almost free only for awhile I’ll miss you too don’t worry I’ll hit you here & there maybe don’t want to lie to you so don’t quote me on that cause I’m at peace all alone so please don’t disturb me I’ll back in awhile just need some time away hope you know I’m cleaning my mind
it’s tainted ruined in better perspective leaving wasn’t easy but it’s only for a while I’ll see you soon promise to stay strong understand if you can’t hold on be everything you deserve the stars & every planet in the Galaxy never settle for less don’t look pass any red flags protect your heart don’t give in so easily love yourself don’t be so prideful get out your head time to move forward don’t look back any more fuck them past relationships friendships whatever live stress free be great love self travel invest open your mind see you soon.

Your Truly.

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

Drip, drip the red blood,
Touching white floor,
No pain no gain,
I will break the law,

Aim for living life,
Never show you my flaw,
See you off my friend,
When I came to you tomorrow.

There was a role we all played,
It was carnage.
We raised the flag unafraid but
it was damaged.
She sent the fire hurdling and many would suffer,
But the ones who got out alive,
Had no way to recover.
He spoke so highly of her,
Until he witnessed her demise,
And that’s when he drove the blade,
And ended her rise.
What a shame!
Such promise in the years before she blamed the tears on the people who chanted their names.
You are all to blame!!
For the hurt that I feel, the pain that won’t heal and the scars that can’t kill me.
I just wallow in self-depravation.
I land hard on your creation and crumble at the seams.
Your healing hands don’t work no more, they just bleed.
And in the end, there are no winners and the golden throne is freed.
You bow down to the last of us but they will never be like me.
I will always be your queen.

One last time

Know you miss me
I miss you too baby
Can’t cap you been
On my mental heavy
Lately let’s kiss make
Up for one lost time come
For me baby only bitch
Who get this raw dick
My baby forever my heart
Belong to you can’t cap
I’m all yours belong all
To you can’t cap you got
My heart baby swear you
So groovy got my mojo baby
all oversea looking at the wildlife
Mother land next know we been through hell you holding it down through the storm showed me you worth everything baby won’t leave your side fuck these other bitches won’t even name this mysterious person
Who has my heart forever don’t ever worry baby got us forever told you from the beginning I wasn’t perfect made so many mistakes done so much dirt the reason my finger nails so dirty cleaned my hands before we got in tuned let go of all my pride before I opened the door for you deep conversations letting you in my brain deeply won’t lie to you just don’t mislead me done seen so much left me so jaded know your secrets safe with me baby you safe here won’t hurt you just want to love you with everything come here let’s make up one last time promise you won’t regret it know you love it here kissing biting leaving marks all on my back hickeys all on my neck & chest
Look me in eyes talk nasty to me tell me how you love this dick legs shaking deeper I go haven’t put everything in yet baby look me in my eyes tell me you love this dick tell me that Pussy mine cum at the same time ain’t pulling out still hard still
Beating them walls down baby came here for rounds not here to play baby
Bounce slow baby lick that dick don’t forget the balls know ima suck them pretty toes thumb in your butt hold up let me spit in that ass tongue all over your pussy finger in your ass while I’m sucking that pussy
From behind pick you up eat this dick 69 with me watch you come non stop face down love them fart sounds pussy real wet drown me slow me baby know I don’t mine control your mind body & soul I’m toxic baby promise you’ll love it here coming over & over giving your body what it been desiring one last time.

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

A person doesn’t live alone
They die
By living with someone
Who doesn’t care about them,
Who is with them for selfish reasons only
They get suffocated
By becoming a second choice always
By feeling that
They’ll never be someone’s priority
They suffer

How are they alive
Didn’t the loneliness kill them?
Didn’t they shatter into thousands of pieces upon being used?
Didn’t they feel like dieing
Upon becoming just a backup?

And their smile
Yes the same smile which everyone finds very lovely
The same smile no one is there to protect
How is it still there?

Who will explain people
Corpse also walk
How can someone look shattered
When they are broken from inside
Not every smile reaches the eyes
The tears in one’s eyes aren’t shown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never make someone feel they deserve to be a second option only, not a priority
Never expect a person to come and tell you their pain easily,
if they could they wouldn’t be broken
Never ignore the signs, giving hints is the most a person suffering can do
Never let the person willing to die reach the level of attempting once
they won’t stop till they succeed.

HINDI VERSION: ZINDA

I try so hard.
I studied all night!
But I always seem to fail.
Look at my medication.
Look up the facts.
When will they realise ADHD is real?
Reality and daydreams.
Which one is real?
Which is more important;
The lesson in class, or the colour of my nails?
My confidence; frail
My complexion; pale
My mind?
A jail.
But I put on a smile.
Make life seem worthwhile.
Because once in a while I can finish a task.
But you still don’t understand.
No you can’t try my pills.
Don’t tell me to focus.
Like it will work like a hypnosis.
I can’t tell if your staring,
I swear it’s tearing me apart.
So I wear my ADHD like a mask,
And don’t dare think that’s an easy task.
I don’t have enough focus to listen.
And that’s what you’re missing.
This is not a choice, this is something I dread.
So next time you judge me,
Next time you label me.
Remember, some with ADHD wish to be dead.