Running in the darkness


Ain’t been feeling nothing guess
I’ll blame the pills fell back in love with the feeling of not feeling anything I’m facing everything
Growing pain got me separating
Myself from everyone twin & I wasn’t see eye to eye about some small shit
Don’t matter what we go through we get through it miss my sister haven’t spoke to her since that crazy morning I love you my  Nigga just want better for you got some shit to get right all this poor grammar got me in different situations where I don’t wanna express myself anymore is they even listening to me do you really feel me had someone tell me they love me just to change on me shit ain’t  hurt the pills took my emotions away I’m in love with alone time in my room looking at my bank account thinking to myself should I run away & get away from all this madness grew up a screw up my daddy want me build a strong relationship with my little brother don’t want him to ending  up like them suckers who pretend to be hard get in the court room telling everything seen a lot of my close friends lose their freedom from putting they trust in the wrong people same nigga say he love you be the same one cross you out for some bread really hate a lying ass bitches won’t see me cuffing nothing don’t even speak pig Latin
Been awhile since I felted like me back in my shoes had to take a look in the mirror & find my soul through my eyes running through the darkness trying to find some better land wrote Lies in my feelings no more blues just a loner wondering why my momma keep asking me about grandkids told her I’ll probably never have kids cause I want a wife not a woman who can’t let go of her lust thrills had my heart played with too much trust issues got me not believing a word anybody telling me been trying detox my body ain’t eating meat going vegan no more processed food hard quitting cold turkey needed stop letting these pills
Melt on my tongue like they won’t
Destroy my liver already bad enough I’m drinking this poison won’t ever chase these women don’t even chase my liquor blocking more numbers not even sending out little letters to anybody been keeping to myself I’m at peace feel good to be stress free said at the beginning of the year more money less stress
cut them old friends out my circle they was chasing highs same mother fuckers who’ll smile in your face be the same ones sneak jabbing you ona net jealousy come in many sharps and forms don’t think I’m better just know I’m realer won’t pick sides keep my name out your mentions been doing good at not snapping out still feel the rage in me waiting to escape again can’t lose my freedom my mama & them need me I’m the man of the family gotta break all the family curses can’t let nobody take me off my mission had a moment the other day when I felted my emotions saw a video of my dawgs we was so young cutting not giving a fuck remember telling myself if I fail the 12th grade ima sell girl & boy still get a little rush from hitting plays nah I’m not big time never took no fronts always asked questions needed know your numbers don’t worry I won’t fuck you over remember what Sosa told Tony well I listened got in close never burned any bridges got in good with the right people still tied in with gang members I’ll never come home but I’ll rock a dude for my brother his momma ain’t the only person who gonna be crying running in the darkness trying to get away from this life they waiting for me death around the corner not dying no time soon told my niece till two hundred and I keep all my promises cross my heart hope to die in the darkness running for my life see the light it getting closer don’t care about what they pushing nowadays I stand on what I believe they falling for anything should’ve went to college been reading books from Yale reading
list trying open up my mind hate small talk be wanting deep uncomfortable conversations lets uncover something tired of hearing about the same shit that won’t make a impact on our lives don’t want my future kids to struggle won’t spoil them but they won’t see what I had to endure was a bad kid my momma miracle child was so wick should be glad I got homeschooled really was acting a fool in elementary no fear in my heart put hands on anybody never backed down from nobody
Couldn’t read for shit & didn’t learn how to write in cursive knew how to
Make money always had the hustle in me was around to many hustles learned the game from so many different people on what not to do
Free all my brothers we don’t bleed the same blood but love them like my momma birth them remember little bro lost my whole pack brought my first set of fronts the next the day my nigga till the end only got one real friend everybody else just be here sucking a nigga energy they really dislike me cause I ain’t gotta hide behind a mask yeah I hide my emotions I’m honestly trying to suppress this anger in my heart
Seen so much that left me scared mentally and physically can’t
Imagine living no other way love what made me grabbing my things time to get out of survival mode had to leave just hope you understand we all here for a reason know my purpose just pursuing a hundred miles per hour in the darkness
Hoping not to crash lost a tire
On the road had to get my hands
Dirty a few times still shake in my sleep was doing good at not pooping pills done relapses had to numb myself mind was racing not writing had me losing my mind had to spill this little letter to let you know I’m good

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاس

I try so hard.
I studied all night!
But I always seem to fail.
Look at my medication.
Look up the facts.
When will they realise ADHD is real?
Reality and daydreams.
Which one is real?
Which is more important;
The lesson in class, or the colour of my nails?
My confidence; frail
My complexion; pale
My mind?
A jail.
But I put on a smile.
Make life seem worthwhile.
Because once in a while I can finish a task.
But you still don’t understand.
No you can’t try my pills.
Don’t tell me to focus.
Like it will work like a hypnosis.
I can’t tell if your staring,
I swear it’s tearing me apart.
So I wear my ADHD like a mask,
And don’t dare think that’s an easy task.
I don’t have enough focus to listen.
And that’s what you’re missing.
This is not a choice, this is something I dread.
So next time you judge me,
Next time you label me.
Remember, some with ADHD wish to be dead.

I can’t help but fall,
Every time I see you,
Those eyes, your silly grin,
The way you do quirky things,
Every word you say and all you do.

These feelings are hard to describe.
I can’t help but smile every time you cross my mind,
I get this giddy feeling inside,
And find myself grinning wide.

You’re the cure to my heart,
The way you light up my monochrome world with your shine,
Oh the way you chase away the sadness from my life,
I can’t help but smile when I see those perfect eyes.

Thinking of those eyes and your charming smile,
Your contagious laugh and your playful style,
The way you do adorable things, so cute,
And how your eyes light up when you do.
Oh the way I love all those small things,
No, I love just everything about you.

I think I’m in love with someone who doesn’t exist.

P.S. Dedicated to all my fictional crushes 💀
(I THINK I’M GOING CRAZY- in love=)

A person doesn’t live alone
They die
By living with someone
Who doesn’t care about them,
Who is with them for selfish reasons only
They get suffocated
By becoming a second choice always
By feeling that
They’ll never be someone’s priority
They suffer

How are they alive
Didn’t the loneliness kill them?
Didn’t they shatter into thousands of pieces upon being used?
Didn’t they feel like dieing
Upon becoming just a backup?

And their smile
Yes the same smile which everyone finds very lovely
The same smile no one is there to protect
How is it still there?

Who will explain people
Corpse also walk
How can someone look shattered
When they are broken from inside
Not every smile reaches the eyes
The tears in one’s eyes aren’t shown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never make someone feel they deserve to be a second option only, not a priority
Never expect a person to come and tell you their pain easily,
if they could they wouldn’t be broken
Never ignore the signs, giving hints is the most a person suffering can do
Never let the person willing to die reach the level of attempting once
they won’t stop till they succeed.

HINDI VERSION: ZINDA

There I was
Breathing heavily as
I run away from an hooded guy
With a knife.
I couldn’t see who it was.
But tried to run away.
I ran as fast as my heavy legs could carry
And any minute I tarry.
My soul becomes a merry.
The figure ran after me.
I felt my heart pounding.
This was the end.
I beg thou Lord
Please accept my soul.
My soul thou to keep

Zy letter

Your love was so good for me had to let you go because my heart was too ruined to love didn’t want to break your heart know you were mad when I moved on, but you already had
Niggas on your line lost all my trust for you had to go separate ways even know you were good for my mental your mindset beyond this
Atmosphere, don’t let anybody treat you like
An option cause you the one who’ll make a man heart sing. I got memories with you that I won’t let go remember your short cut in slow motion round after round, tv blasting
Because you would be so loud ain’t want to get caught up ain’t know you had that ocean almost came twice had readjusted my stoke
So many times know you still love me see you watching my stories wonder if we could fuck one more time give your soul what it been needing legs shaking pussy spraying like ah sprinkler spite in your mouth choking you till your face turn red back shots hanging off the bed beat that little tight
Pink pussy till it’s Burgundy know your home girls tell you leave me alone but it’s something about our connection that can’t be broken guess we’ll meant to be in each other life know I love you do anything for you if you need to talk I’m a phone call away hope you not letting these clowns play with your heart cause you deserve the world & all the stars in the galaxy cause your one of a kind
Love so rare heart so pure kisses felted like
Clouds, your so soft voice, so beautiful, so silly, so down to earth freaky as fuck take this dick, baby don’t tap on me putting every inch in your belly girl hope you know I’m still here for through it all forever friends
Can’t chill because we are going to fuck
Don’t matter where we at can be in public
I’m trying to feel that pussy grabbing
That ass all that shit miss you can’t lie baby this letter for you




Shiddd, you know I’ll always love you zy stay beautiful queen.

Yours truly

-
‎برينتون نيكولاسي

#Morgie_Wrotes

I was brought upon through birth
From you to mother on Earth.
I cried and I cried for comfort
Until someone saw my worth.

As she saw me and my eyes
She looked up to the sky;
And gave her gratitude to the Almighty,
For she had finally received me.

do you know what really hurts
when you talk to someone for days
and have the best conversation with them
even small talks
talking to them made my whole day
then one day
they act like you never exist
and you left there trying to figure out
what you did wrong
then you doubt yourself
EVERY fucking time

You ask them how they are
You text them on their every post
But ”the ones we love dearly
Are the ones that hurt us the most”

They ring you up when they need you But you send them every good stuff you wrote
They call you names and hurt you
While you tag them on every friendship quote

But at the end, what do you get?
Don’t call me up when they ghost, Because ”the ones we love dearly
Are the ones that hurt us the most”

~ZE

’𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’
The words I could never tell

’𝘈 𝘩𝘶𝘨’
That I couldn’t give you, no matter the day

’𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’
I wish I had said.

But what’s the point of regretting, now it’s too late

I wished I had wiped your tears
And held you closely, dear
Whispered sweet nothings into your ears
And told you all about my fears.

And I wished you’d hold me
And tell me not to suffer alone,
Hold out your hands,
And pull me from the abyss.

But you left me in the dark, alone
Never even looked back, as I crawled.
I never wanted to hate you, the way I do, trust me,
I never thought I would feel this way about you, I swear.

But here I am hating you more than anything,
Trying to justify my wrongdoings
I know you mean well for me
But I can’t seem to shake these feelings

I know you love me,
But I can’t seem to give the same love back.
I am sorry for being a 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦,
I am sorry for the things I lack.
Forgive me for being an ungrateful brat.

But you know it’s not entirely my fault,
You’re partly to blame too, if not all.
For the things that changed, remain unseen,
I wish I could tell you all the things, I believe.

The things that you couldn’t see,
Or did you just ignore me?

What am I?

What am I to you?

Am I a toy?

Am I a tool?

A satisfactory plaything
From that you like to play.

Or just another 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦

That you wish you could erase.

Ain’t been able to write cause the voices in my head want to be heard can’t say too much don’t like people in my business they don’t like me cause I’m to real don’t live by the system cause it’s too many flaws in the Matrix they’re brainwashing us all keeping us under forever if you’re mind to free Label you insane well guess I’m insane cause I listen to voices in my head don’t fall for anything stand for something don’t follow rather create my own wave can’t stop the voices they telling me go harder & I’m proud of you came a long way didn’t think I’ll make it this far voices use to tell me I’m a failure remember zeros in my bank account had me off track no more distractions way to serious right now can’t let go of my pride won’t ever ask for a helping hand I’ll figure it out by lonesome know a lot of people talking down on my name know they couldn’t walk a mile in my shoes couldn’t survive my life choices took all the wrong turns seen a lot love turn sour voices in my head got me fighting a mental warfare rather be alone in my thoughts fighting demons voices telling me these niggas ain’t my friends telling me these bitches don’t love me they just want to use me till they can’t anymore if everything falls who really gonna be here for a Nigga starting to see the only person love that matter is my mommas people going back to her throwing me under the bus painting the wrong image of a nigga careless let them look like nitwits she know I’m a good nigga just a product of my environment didn’t fall for the trap
Mama I’m too slick for handcuffs don’t speak pig Latin forever free my niggas out them hell holes my Dawg came home just to go back in miss my niggas who got forever and a day cried the hardest when my brother died still don’t come around when we start letting bitch niggas round see the hoe in these niggas they like they momma to many emotions all talk ain’t grow up off the internet real life vibes only rather have conversations with myself before I open up again can’t let nobody in to locked in fighting through the Charlie horse don’t feel the pain been awhile since I’ve felted a thing learned to love it turned into a stoic life a bitch who loves slow dances in the rain took my two left feet out there looking goofy dancing  lost in my thoughts ain’t running walking towards the voices hoping they lead me to my blessings & not my doom cause I’m just like biggie ready to die life isn’t promised we only get one life so why waste time living in fear fuck them voices ain’t you in control don’t lose yourself in this dirty world stay pure keep your goals in sight don’t lose your vision voices in head telling me this isn’t the end .....

Yours truly

برينتون نيكولاس

In a garden filled with the sun’s gentle gloom,
The air brims with the fragrance of flowers that bloom.

Amidst the colorful and verdant garden,
They stand apart with their colorless petals, laden.

Daisies, an emblem of innocence and purity,
Just like their white hue, cute and admirable, in all their beauty.

In the garden brimming with different hues,
Faces turned to the sun, they gently sway, no blues.

Dancing to the beat of nature’s symphony,
Daisies symbolize new beginnings, so sweet and carefree.

Even without color, they remain pretty and neat,
Standing apart among the colors, a joyful feat.

Emblem of joy and cheerfulness, just what we need,
They stand tall, white petals swaying gently in the sun’s heed.

Amidst the pretty and colorful garden, their colorless petals sway,
Even though they’re different, they brighten the day.

P.S. I’m not really a flower lover but I tried.
I dedicate this to you Daisy (yk who you are lol=)
I wrote this in response to Scarlett Snow’s comment suggestion.
🌼🌼🌼