Soft-spoken
Not profane
Another argument I must refrain,

From sharing my thoughts
Calling the shots
Hoping my stance comes clear
And that my respect isn’t seen as mere

Once I step up,
To the conversation
I can already feel the agitation

”I disagree with this”
”I disagree with that”
Could you even hear each other’s perspective?
We’re getting off track!

Combative is the spirit
Being heard is the goal
If you refuse to listen, the purpose is gone as a whole

So I ask you
The one with malice in their eyes,
Why did I even try?

Running in the darkness


Ain’t been feeling nothing guess
I’ll blame the pills fell back in love with the feeling of not feeling anything I’m facing everything
Growing pain got me separating
Myself from everyone twin & I wasn’t see eye to eye about some small shit
Don’t matter what we go through we get through it miss my sister haven’t spoke to her since that crazy morning I love you my  Nigga just want better for you got some shit to get right all this poor grammar got me in different situations where I don’t wanna express myself anymore is they even listening to me do you really feel me had someone tell me they love me just to change on me shit ain’t  hurt the pills took my emotions away I’m in love with alone time in my room looking at my bank account thinking to myself should I run away & get away from all this madness grew up a screw up my daddy want me build a strong relationship with my little brother don’t want him to ending  up like them suckers who pretend to be hard get in the court room telling everything seen a lot of my close friends lose their freedom from putting they trust in the wrong people same nigga say he love you be the same one cross you out for some bread really hate a lying ass bitches won’t see me cuffing nothing don’t even speak pig Latin
Been awhile since I felted like me back in my shoes had to take a look in the mirror & find my soul through my eyes running through the darkness trying to find some better land wrote Lies in my feelings no more blues just a loner wondering why my momma keep asking me about grandkids told her I’ll probably never have kids cause I want a wife not a woman who can’t let go of her lust thrills had my heart played with too much trust issues got me not believing a word anybody telling me been trying detox my body ain’t eating meat going vegan no more processed food hard quitting cold turkey needed stop letting these pills
Melt on my tongue like they won’t
Destroy my liver already bad enough I’m drinking this poison won’t ever chase these women don’t even chase my liquor blocking more numbers not even sending out little letters to anybody been keeping to myself I’m at peace feel good to be stress free said at the beginning of the year more money less stress
cut them old friends out my circle they was chasing highs same mother fuckers who’ll smile in your face be the same ones sneak jabbing you ona net jealousy come in many sharps and forms don’t think I’m better just know I’m realer won’t pick sides keep my name out your mentions been doing good at not snapping out still feel the rage in me waiting to escape again can’t lose my freedom my mama & them need me I’m the man of the family gotta break all the family curses can’t let nobody take me off my mission had a moment the other day when I felted my emotions saw a video of my dawgs we was so young cutting not giving a fuck remember telling myself if I fail the 12th grade ima sell girl & boy still get a little rush from hitting plays nah I’m not big time never took no fronts always asked questions needed know your numbers don’t worry I won’t fuck you over remember what Sosa told Tony well I listened got in close never burned any bridges got in good with the right people still tied in with gang members I’ll never come home but I’ll rock a dude for my brother his momma ain’t the only person who gonna be crying running in the darkness trying to get away from this life they waiting for me death around the corner not dying no time soon told my niece till two hundred and I keep all my promises cross my heart hope to die in the darkness running for my life see the light it getting closer don’t care about what they pushing nowadays I stand on what I believe they falling for anything should’ve went to college been reading books from Yale reading
list trying open up my mind hate small talk be wanting deep uncomfortable conversations lets uncover something tired of hearing about the same shit that won’t make a impact on our lives don’t want my future kids to struggle won’t spoil them but they won’t see what I had to endure was a bad kid my momma miracle child was so wick should be glad I got homeschooled really was acting a fool in elementary no fear in my heart put hands on anybody never backed down from nobody
Couldn’t read for shit & didn’t learn how to write in cursive knew how to
Make money always had the hustle in me was around to many hustles learned the game from so many different people on what not to do
Free all my brothers we don’t bleed the same blood but love them like my momma birth them remember little bro lost my whole pack brought my first set of fronts the next the day my nigga till the end only got one real friend everybody else just be here sucking a nigga energy they really dislike me cause I ain’t gotta hide behind a mask yeah I hide my emotions I’m honestly trying to suppress this anger in my heart
Seen so much that left me scared mentally and physically can’t
Imagine living no other way love what made me grabbing my things time to get out of survival mode had to leave just hope you understand we all here for a reason know my purpose just pursuing a hundred miles per hour in the darkness
Hoping not to crash lost a tire
On the road had to get my hands
Dirty a few times still shake in my sleep was doing good at not pooping pills done relapses had to numb myself mind was racing not writing had me losing my mind had to spill this little letter to let you know I’m good

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاس

Time away


Time away something that’s needed me myself & I no freak bitches deleting all the threads fuck all them conversations it’s a new me approaching get to know the new me can’t come around no fraudulent vibes don’t show me a vibe you can’t maintain stop lying leave while the door open know I can be insecure know I’m hurtful with my words hope I don’t destroy your ego even know you took my mind away needed to getaway know my love pure made mistakes brainwashed myself smoking all this weed became lazy maybe it’s the people around me not doing much with they life mad at me when we link not inviting nobody rather be alone talking about where the freaks tired of freaks not into easy pussy give me your inner thoughts feed me knowledge give me chills when you come around fuck sex can I lay on your thighs tell you everything that took my heart away tell you about my son name hopefully you like it Dushane Greyson Harrell
See his face in my dreams hope to have a family don’t want no baby mama drama want someone forever lost to many good girls turned them all cold made my bed now I’ll lay on the bed full of nails don’t worry the pain I’ve been through can handle anything God throw my way know what came with the choices I’ve made in my life needed be more dependable be a man of my word be forgetting I even said shit smoke and forget everything just some random words on my mind not digging deep in my soul see my pain in my eyes my momma I sad the other day death comes for us all in the end I’m ready whenever my time comes hope I made a impact on someone life hope you see my thoughts when you close yours eyes only for awhile I swear to come back with something deeper hope you can wait for me if not I understand hope I’m your favorite hope your never give up on me just needed give my mind a break needed get away phone on leave me alone be watching my phone ring playing sleep not into conversations sitting in a dark room with my thoughts opening every page of my mind rewinding watching old memories like I can relive them wish some my friends didn’t die wish my friends didn’t have life in the can hope my brother make it out alive heard he in there fight for his life heard his mind all fucked up my nigga smoked some laced weed had his mind racing I pray my Dawg shake back shit getting crazier more bodies dropping it’s closer to home lost my brother won’t say Rest In Peace still want go to a funeral don’t want see nobody cold wanna see you smiling saying مارفن they really don’t know me they calling me Mar don’t like the new company I’ve been keeping leaches snakes in disguise been letting mother fuckers trick me out my spot playing with my intelligence like I didn’t already peep you hope you know I’m not mad disappointed in myself for holding on so long don’t know how to love & honestly feel like nobody for me cause what I want seem so hard to find someone who loves to talk start the intimacy my love language is deep talks touching & someone who gives hundred percent don’t leave me in the blind that’ll have me overthinking negative thoughts swallowing my mind got me in my feelings cutting you off don’t want any stress don’t want to add on with someone else bullshit when I’m already walking through the storm myself can’t give you my umbrella I’m finally drying off getting closer to my home paradise almost free only for awhile I’ll miss you too don’t worry I’ll hit you here & there maybe don’t want to lie to you so don’t quote me on that cause I’m at peace all alone so please don’t disturb me I’ll back in awhile just need some time away hope you know I’m cleaning my mind
it’s tainted ruined in better perspective leaving wasn’t easy but it’s only for a while I’ll see you soon promise to stay strong understand if you can’t hold on be everything you deserve the stars & every planet in the Galaxy never settle for less don’t look pass any red flags protect your heart don’t give in so easily love yourself don’t be so prideful get out your head time to move forward don’t look back any more fuck them past relationships friendships whatever live stress free be great love self travel invest open your mind see you soon.

Your Truly.

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

The city is still bleeding


Bunch of blood sucker
Snakes that come
In different forms
Better keep your
Eyes on your own
Paper better watch
Your homie all them
Slick shots going turn
Into your demise your
Bitch ain’t your bitch
So you better focus
If she ain’t showing
Loyalty leave fuck
Is you staying for
Better not think with
Your dick or your heart
She’ll leave you for
Dead to if you risking
It the wrong way better
Not have nobody in
Your business now
Everybody a witness
Don’t know who telling
Stay off the internet when
I was growing up we didn’t have
Nobody posting they every move
Stay off the grid they watching us
Easily now stupid mother fuckers
You hustle to disappear not to be seen they hustling backwards tired of saying free my niggas couple of the guy’s died on the late night having fun somebody always fucking up the night got me stay indoors bullets ain’t got no names you can get caught at the right wrong time you just trying have some fun book a couple bitches who would’ve ever thought you wouldn’t make it home something told you stay in tonight but you been inside too long now you dead city fucked up it’s a dirty bird city here better not get caught in the wrong hood on the late night they’ll strip you for you everything might end up at leaking park crawling bleeding out I’m lying they’ll kill you right there in the middle of the street they drawing you up like a artist it’s a repeated pattern again and again when will it stop who gonna help my folks raise them kids another fatherless child world full of evil When will the world reset cause we need some saving


Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاس

Tokyo

All them curves got me Tokyo Drifting woah woah Drifting all
In that pussy she’s my favorite yellow
Ting turn her red as a tamale don’t eat no swine baby got her feelings involved baby love them curves your smile your best curve Gimmie kiss
With your fine ass girl I’m
so infatuated With you can’t break us apart don’t wanna fuss baby tell me what’s the problem what’s really bothering you deep conversations
It’s real cloudy in this room but I see you clearly the only bitch in my eyes got my heart forever know it’s been a couple before you and I’ve said the something before your one of a kind
Tokyo beautiful inside & outside kind soul made my angry heart calm baby I’m forever yours love me some Tokyo Sweetest girl I’ve met never wanna be apart baby know I’m obsessed but I’m in love with you
Heart belong all too you something about them curves had to learn to drift grabbing your waist had to handle you baby thought I couldn’t drift in that pussy got me slipping never tripping keep changing positions from the floor to the wall we all over the damn place first one to cum gotta make breakfast
Baby Gimmie your soul
Tokyo you do something too me
baby drifting all in that pussy all them curves got me braking don’t wanna crash baby can’t lose traction firm grip on your hips look me in my eyes while I kill that cat baby love me some you got so in love

Yours truly

- برينتون نيكولاسي

I hope you set yourself on fire
And chase the most dangerous place ’hell’

Fill your life with laughter and joy
Cause this is your last chance to enjoy

Your wildest dreams will come alive
Dreams that will be dreams forever
Because After that
You never gonna wake up

Dreams that you’ll never miss
Life that you’ll always miss

”Step up in front of the class!”
”Describe yourself with one word”
”No inappropriate choices or phrases, don’t make it absurd!”

I curse myself seeing she picks me first
My classmates were now immersed, in my next move
I disapprove, of the laughing I hear from the back of the room
With my hands shaking, I utter ”Failure”

The teacher glances
But I’ve been on my best behavior

The laughing grows louder
The teacher scolds, how her, choice
Of words created a riot
And made the kids anything but quiet

”No, let me explain!”
”Please sit down, we don’t have all day.”
The cycle of failure continues to replay

Ain’t no love like my daughter love ain’t even got kids but I know the feeling of real love got some flaws
Hope you love me through the storm
Use to the fake love know they gonna leave my side ain’t nobody
Real as I in my eyes seeing the bigger picture more money put away my Dawg told me keep my eyes open
They showing they hands still playing stupid like I’m blind to the fact that love isn’t real laying with another woman who falling in love with me told her I’m not interested in love at the moment rather kick it with myself don’t mind vibing out hope you deep as I not into small talk let’s build a empire get to know my sober side ain’t been drugging ain’t no more pain in my heart nothing else to kill but myself sorry I’m to alive
my heart isn’t beating the same
Just vibing come see me always on my mind know your addicted to my
Touch won’t mislead you just want to fulfill your desires not trying to grow old with you done with disconnecting relationships we can vibe out don’t get your heart involved I’m a dog that’s why I love seeing you on all four my little bitch don’t got love in my heart just fucking you till your pussy sore legs shaking non stop lick your pussy till your body levitating
Pass the ceiling fan if you truly love me tattoo my name on you like a autograph baby this is my heart in these pages I’m pouring everything out rather vibe and get to know you on a deeper level can we fuss and make up with kisses is you really for me who you with when you not wit me Too much go through my mind love I rather be alone do as you please the door is wide open don’t care for non of my Ex’s never had a girlfriend anyway just a bunch of wasted love no more love in my heart only person getting my love is me can’t be loving on you bitches too much wasted love too good of man to wasting time on dead end relationships tired the ship syncing all the data deleted won’t allow you to program me can’t be controlled can’t play tricks on me knew along ain’t surprised seen it from the beginning turned my heart off I’m in the wind calling my spirit not broken honestly don’t care I’m grown from the situation face everything move on don’t care about mental scars know they gonna hurt me the closest to you always tears you apart don’t care about the pain killed it all with a ten now I’m back in my thoughts sorry meant to say back on feet
All alone don’t mind the time alone bunch of messages from freaks I don’t even wanna fuck just be bored entertaining conversations don’t take you serious could open my heart again but I’ll keep it locked away for myself focus on my peace
Cause I’m more happier alone at the moment no stress just remain patient with myself creating better vibes staying pure not breaking no hearts
I hope you understand we just fucking love .

Yours Truly
- برينتون نيكولاس

Turned towards the knife,
The precipice promised relief
From the cut of a thousand fractures,
And I thought how easy it would be—
One step to end the pain.

X flies 5

Shay be geeking
Lorraine threw all my clothes
Out the house just to pick it
Right up, Monique, my favorite
Hood bitch Tisha from the
County Lor green bitch be lying
About everything De’Janaire
Phat as a bitch Sasha riding
wit tiara smoking till the
Whip cloudy jump in the back
Seat, let’s switch positions
Shamika Tonya calling my phone
Jada had me intrigued
Cause she wrote some shit so deep
It’ll Cleanse your soul
Reason I couldn’t let Zoey go
Conversation so deep the blunt
Done went out twice laughs with
Naomi would turn into kisses now she
Has a mouth full of dick looking up got me wishing it was Audrey drowning in her hazel eyes, both hands stroking, swallowing everything. Remember, Nevaeh would do splits while she rode it. Too many close calls came in her a couple of times. Plan B after plan B, just to repeat the same action with Reagan would have me lusting flashbacks of me licking her like a leaf, unwrap her turning her out; Bridget would scratch my back up, bite marks on my neck Melissa still mess with the same nigga how it feel to know your not her first Choice & I’m just a side nigga been fucking that pussy for bout five years now she does anything I say would think it’s mind control no it’s my honestly won’t lie because ain’t got time to remember a lie, Christina thought I was lying about some dumb shit knew what type time I’m on got hoes can’t cap lover my hart do belong to someone maybe one day she’ll receive them flowers think your so amazing with your pure hart hope you’ll worth it putting my eggs all in your basket letting them bitches go this my oat to you no more ex’s just us knew it was real when I block Mary can’t forget Bailey, Olivia, Harper & Riley; Kennedy pulled up on me with tears in her eyes telling me she doesn’t want to go on without me sound like a lot like Kylie wish I could hold Andrea one more time, Millie & Molly our night together in that hotel was so incredible Miss role playing with Zuri you been such a bad girl who deserves punishment handcuff her to the bed, shake for me, come for me come again an again Selena would squirt all night miss tasting Angela would lick every part of her body Vanessa was so flexible Lauren still tells me her pussy belong to me, Lyric drunk texting me telling me she’s addicted to me Liberty turns 36 in a few days wonder if i should call her last time we talked was two years ago see you commenting in my stories should open them but not trying go back down that toxic road Blaire the sweetest girl I’ve ever met really proud of Jamie she finished law school remember all them late nights watching you study massaging your feet India moved to Florida to become a nurse
Hurt Amanda got locked up for stabbing her boyfriend to death heard he was beating her want to
Send her some money & pictures to let her know she’s still on my mind

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

Don’t look at me
Don’t stare
Those glares
And those sneers
Your whispers
Your words
Like a sword

The way you look at me
The way you’re whispering
The way you’re giggling
I know nothing’s real
Just my twisted fantasy

And I know no one’s staring
No one’s glaring
And those sneers
Those whispers
Those words
Aren’t meant for me
But I can’t shake this feeling
I can’t stop my trembling
And I start stammering

My mind goes blank
I forget walking
Forget talking
And I gasp for air
Because I forget to breathe
No, I can’t shake this feeling
And I can’t stop my trembling.

But I know, I know
Those stares
Those glares
Those sneers
Those whispers
Those words
Are just my twisted fantasy
Yet no, I can’t shake this feeling
It holds me in its grip, you see,
This twisted fantasy
My anxiety.

Those words
Those eyes
Those pretty, pretty lies
Your face
Your smile
Your honey-dripping voice
I know they’re all my imagination
Because I don’t deserve
Any of those compliments

You tell me
I am pretty
I am cute
I am perfect
I am everything
And I have everything
You ever wished for
But couldn’t get
I want to believe
Believe all those
Pretty, pretty
Lies.

I don’t want to be this way
I just want to feel okay
I don’t know what I should say
Or do
I don’t want to loathe
Myself
And I just want to run away
From all the pain
Fears
Tears
Regrets
Mistakes
I want to disappear
And never feel this way.

My insecurity
My anxiety
Won’t let me breathe
Won’t let me feel okay
Won’t let me believe
Those pretty, pretty
Lies,
Or truths?


Dedicated to you Dear Anxiety :|




#poetrycontestbyI.B

Ain’t crushing on nobody
But crushing someone in
my sheets don’t mind
Getting nasty baby
want you all to myself
My last relationship made
Me Miss my first love
should’ve cherished her
We live to learn from our
Mistakes want real love
You can keep all the toxic
Shit been floating
Away from the city ain’t
No love here all my so called
Friends ain’t my homies
speaking foul on my name
Watch me blossom from
The dirt they threw on
My name baby come
Here I wanna spoil you
With endless love fuck
Them other bitches they
Ain’t you got me all
tender smiling when
Your name pop up on
My screen get butterfly
In my stomach when
You walk through the
Door hug you tight
Promise to never
Let you go this isn’t
A rhino I only pop
tens to slow the vibe
Down don’t want to miss
These moments with you
Don’t believe in marriage
But I’ll marry you will you
spend the rest of your life
With me cause without you incomplete You make me whole baby you are The blood that travels through my body you keep a Nigga together like my spine you really my heart in human form baby.
I love you too the moon
You’re so beautiful wanna
Wake up to your face every
Morning this a letter from my
Heart got me deep in love
& I don’t want our love to
Ever end just hope you feel
Da same way.

Your truly



- برينتون نيكولاس