All the voices in my head keep telling me to end.
Sometimes, I don’t want to leave my bed.

This mundane life repeats itself,
It doesn’t stop, it doesn’t stay still.

In the evening, I contemplate life,
During the night, it’s just another tide I need to survive.

In the morning, I don’t want to leave my bed,
This cycle just keeps repeating itself.

It’s nothing new, I’ve been living and will continue to do,
But some days, I yearn to break free from this endless queue.

Now I am stuck in this tunnel with no end in sight.
I know if I walk enough, I will find the light.

𝘠𝘦𝘵
𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴
𝘮𝘺
𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺
𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥
𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢
𝘭𝘪𝘦

If time really heals all the pain,
If there’s a light at the end,

I don’t know what I am even living for,
I don’t know if I will make it through.

Yet at the same time, I just want to stay,
I cling to hope, even if it seems like a lie.

A hope for a better day and a better life,
Some days I feel all the things, living doesn’t seem as bad,

𝘠𝘦𝘵
𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴
𝘮𝘺
𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺
𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥
𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢
𝘭𝘪𝘦

This journey never seems to end,
Time never seems to stop.

Is it too fast or am I just too slow?
I just want to break free from this curse.

There are many questions, I wish someone could tell,
There are many reasons to hold on.

Yet all the bads overshadow all the goods,
Until only thing keeps repeating in my head.

Will just walking get me out of this hell?
Will this cycle ever stop repeating itself?

Is there even light at the end?
Or just another darkness awaiting?

I can’t help but fall,
Every time I see you,
Those eyes, your silly grin,
The way you do quirky things,
Every word you say and all you do.

These feelings are hard to describe.
I can’t help but smile every time you cross my mind,
I get this giddy feeling inside,
And find myself grinning wide.

You’re the cure to my heart,
The way you light up my monochrome world with your shine,
Oh the way you chase away the sadness from my life,
I can’t help but smile when I see those perfect eyes.

Thinking of those eyes and your charming smile,
Your contagious laugh and your playful style,
The way you do adorable things, so cute,
And how your eyes light up when you do.
Oh the way I love all those small things,
No, I love just everything about you.

I think I’m in love with someone who doesn’t exist.

P.S. Dedicated to all my fictional crushes 💀
(I THINK I’M GOING CRAZY- in love=)

Liberated, we can show this
nationalism what we can do!
You are democratic to me,
and I am democratic to you!
Vote for me until the fight against
Serbian nationalism has been won!
His despotism and fascism
aren’t gonna give a thing to us!
In democracy and liberty,
we put our faith and trust!
Staying democratic,
we must, we must, we must,
turn his nationalistic ass
ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
with our Hearts of Iron!
With our will to Ultra Kill!
To never lose our
true Serbian way!

So... where are you headed now?” Monse timidly answered that we were going to Indianola to search for supplies. Slender slowly withdrew his shotgun from Herson’s mouth and tried to convince us that it had all been overrun by the dead. ”We want to see for ourselves, but thanks anyway,” Ismael said with a frightened look. Suddenly, Slender asked us, seemingly out of context, if we wanted to work for him. After the incident with the shotgun, I already knew that I wanted nothing to do with him or his group.

As I was about to say that we had no need for Slender’s services, he suddenly punched Herson in the face with full force. Ismael panicked and pulled out his weapon, but Ellep remained calm and ignored the situation. I aimed my gun at Slender and whispered to Monse to open the door and run with me into the woods on my signal. Slender looked at me and began laughing. ”What are you going to do, little man, shoot me?” he said mockingly. I gave Monse the signal and we ran into the woods, but Ellep stayed in the car, staring tensely into emptiness.

”Come on, what are you waiting for?” Slender shouted to his men. We ran and ran, but Slender’s men were close behind. After a while, I ran out of breath and collapsed onto the ground. Monse, who was still fit enough, tried to help me up, but I pushed her away and ordered her to run to Sally and keep herself safe. However, she refused to listen to me. ”Monse, please, you have to go,” I said, handing her my pistol. She looked at me one last time and ran away.

I grabbed a thick stick lying on the dirty forest floor and crouched behind a tree, waiting for Slender’s men to run past me. Then, I struck them in the face with the stick. I heard footsteps approaching on the leafy ground and hit the person with the stick in the face as well. He fell to the ground, apparently unconscious. Just as I was about to take his weapon, one of Slender’s men turned the corner and aimed his gun at me. ”Don’t move,” he said, and I raised my hands in the air and turned around. Then, he approached me and hit me with his weapon, knocking me unconscious.

footsteps approaching on the leafy ground and hit the person with the stick in the face as well. He fell to the ground, apparently unconscious. Just as I was about to take his weapon, one of Slender’s men turned the corner and aimed his gun at me. ”Don’t move,” he said, and I raised my hands in the air and turned around. He then approached me and hit me with his weapon, knocking me unconscious.

Who am I, who was I, who will I be? I was knocked out, but I could still hold my funeral speech in my head, I felt dead, dead like a gazelle without legs, dead like the right to be who we want to be, dead like we all if no one comes to save us. It’s only been one day and we’re already being attacked by our own kind. What will they do with me? Will I die, be enslaved, or used as a punching bag? I don’t know, but I hope Farah won’t be too sad if it happens. Oh God, please give me your help, give me strength, and please protect Farah.

Monse ran through the forest, running as fast as she could. Even though no one had been following her for five minutes, she kept running with a pain in her side. From a distance, she saw Sally’s farm and picked up her pace. ”SALLY...SALLY,” Monse shouted from the edge of the forest. When she arrived, Sally wasn’t there, and Monse searched the farm, but no one was there. She screamed into the air, but there was no sign of life until she heard footsteps on the leafy forest ground. It was Javi, one of the survivors. ”Javi, where are the others?” Monse asked urgently. ”They’re still in the forest,” Javi said, asking why she wanted to know. She told Javi everything that had happened, and they both ran back into the forest to Sally and the others.

”I’ve always felt like a nobody, even before everything started. At just 19, my parents were deported, and I had to live with a relative in Mississippi. I had to work full-time since I turned 18, barely having any time for myself. Taking care of Farah, my younger sister, consumed my entire life. I never had friends or experienced the feeling of love. And as if that weren’t enough, a war broke out in my homeland, and I’m certain my parents are no longer alive. So what’s the problem? Why can’t I just die? My name is Ismail Al Sharabi, and I long for deliverance.”

Monse and Javi ran towards Sally and the others in the woods. ”Monse, are you back already?” asked Sally. Monse told Sally that Ismael and the others had been attacked. Sally instinctively asked if Monse was okay. Without answering, Monse grabbed Sally’s hand and tried to pull her towards the farm to drive to Ismael. ”Monse, what are you doing?” asked Sally. ”We’re looking for Ismael,” replied Monse.

Javi went up to Monse and removed her hand from Sally’s. ”Javi, what are you doing?” asked Monse, confused. Javi explained that it was too risky, but Monse put her hands over her ears so she wouldn’t have to hear him. Sally grabbed Monse and pulled her hands away from her ears. ”I’m sorry, Monse, but it’s too dangerous,” said Javi. There were seconds of silence, filled with disappointment.

”What if it was Sucre,” Monse yelled. Sucre was Javi’s son who lived in Massachusetts with his mother. Javi stayed silent until he angrily pointed his finger at Monse’s face. ”Don’t you dare say his name,” Javi replied furiously. Monse answered with a simple, mean, ”Make me.” There were a few seconds of silence until a voice was heard in the distance. It was Farah, asking if she could eat the black berries. Everyone looked at Farah from a distance. No one said anything, as they all thought about how Ismael was Farah’s only family. Ellep and Herson didn’t matter to Sally, but she changed her mind and looked at Monse. ”Come on, let’s go get that idiot back,” Sally said.

Ismael awoke to find himself on a cold, dirty floor with his left hand shackled to a pipe. He saw Ellep and Herson, also bound and unconscious, and desperately tried to wake them up. Ellep was already awake, frantically trying to break free from the handcuffs, but without success. What had he expected, really?

”Where are we?” Ismael cried out in despair.

”In a slaughterhouse,” Ellep replied, gesturing to the blood and animal remains scattered all around them.

Herson woke up and immediately began screaming, pulling at his handcuffs and even trying to bite through them.

”Calm down, it’s no use,” said Ellep hopelessly to Herson.

I told Ellep not to think like that, but he argued with me, trying to convince me that there was no way out. I ignored him and tried to think of a way to escape.

”My hand hurts like hell,” Herson complained, to which Ellep replied provocatively, ”If you hadn’t pulled on the handcuffs like a maniac, your hand would be better off than your brain.”

A heated argument broke out between Ellep and Herson, with them hurling insults at each other while I continued to think. But then Herson said something that gave me a painful idea - ”Shut up Ellep or I’ll shove my thumb down your throat!”

”Thumb,” something clicked in my mind. And right next to Herson lay a blood-stained towel. I asked him to throw it to me and he questioned why. I explained that I had an idea. He threw it to me, and I crumpled it into a ball and put it in my mouth. I closed my eyes, turned my head away, and dislocated my thumb.

Monse, Sally, and Javi sat in Bo’s truck, on their way to find the guys. Sally and Monse sat in the back of the truck while Javi drove. ”Why do you insist on saving Ismael?” Sally asked arrogantly and curiously. ”Because Ismael is Farah’s family,” Monse replied. Sally knew Monse was lying, and Monse knew that Sally knew. ”Do you love him?” Sally asked. Monse stared at the floor of the truck, ignoring Sally. Sally was about to ask again when Javi intervened. ”Sally, I think that’s enough,” Javi said and continued driving. Seconds of silence passed until Monse looked out the window and interrupted the silence with a slightly annoyed tone, ”Yes.”

Ismael screamed in pain, clutching the blood-soaked towel. Ellep and Herson stared at Ismael as if he had committed the most bizarre crime in the world. ”Dude,” Herson and Ellep said simultaneously, their voices filled with shock. I kept the towel in my mouth, locking eyes with Herson and Ellep, and popped my dislocated thumb back into place. I screamed even louder than before. Rising to my feet, I removed the towel from my mouth. Searching the room frantically, I spotted a chair, grabbed it, and placed it beside Ellep.

I climbed onto it, unscrewing the rusted bolts of the pipe. Once I freed Herson, we needed a plan. My idea was to create loud noises to attract Slender’s men and then knock them unconscious. It was our only solution. Ellep and I pretended to still be tied up while Herson hid beside the metal door. We shouted and insulted Slender, hammering against the walls and continuing to scream. ”What the hell are you bastards doing in there?” we heard from behind the door. A man, dressed in black and armed, entered the room, berating us. Herson emerged from behind him and thrust a shard of broken rib into the man’s throat.

He kept stabbing relentlessly until the man’s neck resembled a pot of tomato sauce and squashed spaghetti. Fear gripped us as we looked at Herson’s bloodied face. Herson took the man’s weapon and said, ”Come on, let’s show this old bastard who’s in charge.”

’𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’
The words I could never tell

’𝘈 𝘩𝘶𝘨’
That I couldn’t give you, no matter the day

’𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’
I wish I had said.

But what’s the point of regretting, now it’s too late

I wished I had wiped your tears
And held you closely, dear
Whispered sweet nothings into your ears
And told you all about my fears.

And I wished you’d hold me
And tell me not to suffer alone,
Hold out your hands,
And pull me from the abyss.

But you left me in the dark, alone
Never even looked back, as I crawled.
I never wanted to hate you, the way I do, trust me,
I never thought I would feel this way about you, I swear.

But here I am hating you more than anything,
Trying to justify my wrongdoings
I know you mean well for me
But I can’t seem to shake these feelings

I know you love me,
But I can’t seem to give the same love back.
I am sorry for being a 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦,
I am sorry for the things I lack.
Forgive me for being an ungrateful brat.

But you know it’s not entirely my fault,
You’re partly to blame too, if not all.
For the things that changed, remain unseen,
I wish I could tell you all the things, I believe.

The things that you couldn’t see,
Or did you just ignore me?

What am I?

What am I to you?

Am I a toy?

Am I a tool?

A satisfactory plaything
From that you like to play.

Or just another 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦

That you wish you could erase.

In the moonlit sky, our love takes flight,
A symphony of hearts, shining bright.
Across the stars, our souls entwine,
A love so deep, so truly divine.

Your eyes, like diamonds, sparkle with grace,
Reflecting love’s light upon my face.
In every touch, I feel the fire ignite,
Burning desire, passion’s endless flight.

Your gentle whispers, a sweet melody,
Captivating my heart, setting it free.
In every word, a love story is told,
A tale of two hearts, forever bold.

Together we dance, in an eternal embrace,
Two souls intertwined, finding solace.
In your arms, I find my sanctuary,
A love so pure, a beautiful sanctuary.

Through the storms of life, we’ll never break,
Bound by a love that nothing can shake.
In your presence, I find strength and peace,
A love that’s timeless, it will never cease.

So here’s my heart, offered in this verse,
A love that’s boundless, an eternal curse.
Forever entwined, our spirits aligned,
In this love poem, our love defined.

Lately I see you
In strange dreams
Skirt wet with morning dew
And torn at the seams

You stand at my door
Body reeking of early rot
Silently reminding what I swore
Nose dripping blood and snot

You make me promise it
Like I did last year
As your skin begins to split
Decaying, as I hold you dear

There were many things I wanted to do,
Many things I wanted to say to you.
There were many memories I wanted to make,
Not knowing that would be my last memory of you.

I have always thought of all the ’what ifs,’
I have always thought of all the possibilities.
I am not ready to accept it,
No, I am not ready to let you go,
I am still holding on to your memories.

I am still here, waiting for you in the rain,
It’s the same summer you disliked, again.
I am the same age as you when you said goodbye,
I kept waiting for you but you never came back,
I kept growing older, but you’re still the same boy.

It pains me to think of your smiling face,
When I know that smile was just a facade.
You used to cover up your scars that no one knew,
For now I know how much you must have wept in the dark, alone.

All the things I said that day, you heard,
Not knowing how much you endured ’cause of me, you mourned.
You were always there for me,
While I couldn’t be there for you when you needed it the most.
You were alone in the rain, and I couldn’t take your pain.

If only I could turn back time,
If only I could hold you one last time,
If only I could bid you one last goodbye,
If only I could tell you all the things I never told you,
If only I hadn’t said all the things I did,
If only I could erase everything.
If only…

You left me alone with nothing but regrets,
I am here crying alone, but my eyes have no tears left.
Your memories are slowly fading away,
And I fear I am going to forget you someday.

I fear I will move on and be happy one day,
While you never got a chance to live through that day.
I am the reason for all your pain.
But I am still alive, and you are gone.

I fear I won’t remember your face someday.
I fear I will get older than you someday.
While you will be the same as when you left.
And I fear my heart will heal someday.
I fear I don’t deserve any of it.

I try so hard.
I studied all night!
But I always seem to fail.
Look at my medication.
Look up the facts.
When will they realise ADHD is real?
Reality and daydreams.
Which one is real?
Which is more important;
The lesson in class, or the colour of my nails?
My confidence; frail
My complexion; pale
My mind?
A jail.
But I put on a smile.
Make life seem worthwhile.
Because once in a while I can finish a task.
But you still don’t understand.
No you can’t try my pills.
Don’t tell me to focus.
Like it will work like a hypnosis.
I can’t tell if your staring,
I swear it’s tearing me apart.
So I wear my ADHD like a mask,
And don’t dare think that’s an easy task.
I don’t have enough focus to listen.
And that’s what you’re missing.
This is not a choice, this is something I dread.
So next time you judge me,
Next time you label me.
Remember, some with ADHD wish to be dead.

do you know what really hurts
when you talk to someone for days
and have the best conversation with them
even small talks
talking to them made my whole day
then one day
they act like you never exist
and you left there trying to figure out
what you did wrong
then you doubt yourself
EVERY fucking time

You are just like a dream, so vivid yet surreal,
Even as I chase after you, like a child chasing a butterfly, you’d disappear,
You’ll fly to the sky, too high, out of my reach,
And I wake up in a reality where you do not exist.

The memories of those dreams fade as I open my eyes,
Though I don’t remember your face anymore, dear,
Your oceanic eyes, your radiant smile, I still remember vividly in my mind,
The sound of your laughter still echoes in my ears.

My heart still holds the pain near,
I recall your voice and your face, strained with tears,
Cascading like rain from the sky, like snow on a winter’s night.
A faint smile, a pained look on your face, that you used to hide.

I still remember everything, though you’re no longer near,
As if it were just yesterday when you were here,
Everything reminds me of you, I fear,
My heart aches at the mere thought of you, dear.

Like sunrays, your memories linger,
And reach even the darkest corners of my heart.
They won’t leave me alone, find their way,
Haunt me until I go insane.

Love doesn’t come in cute packages, it just happens~
There is no guarantee or warranty attached to it,
Nor you weigh it against gains or losses.
The heart opens up and falls, just a free fall.