In twilight’s grasp, there echoes a tune,
A melancholy melody that sings of the moon,
Music’s bittersweet embrace, where sorrow does bloom,
A symphony of tears, a somber lamentation’s swoon.

Each note like drops of rain, falling from the sky,
Aching chords that whisper tales of goodbye,
The sorrowful strings weep, as the melodies sigh,
Music’s mournful embrace, where broken hearts lie.

Through sorrowed lyrics and haunting refrains,
The emotions tremble, as the silence wanes,
In every cadence and lyric, longing remains,
Music’s mournful embrace, forever it sustains.

Yet, within the sadness, a solace is found,
For music becomes the sanctuary, where hearts rebound,
Through tear-stained melodies, healing can be crowned,
Though sad, with each rhythm, strength can be found.

So let the music play, let the tears freely flow,
For in its melancholy, healing begins to grow,
Let the sorrowful melodies heal the wounds we know,
In the sadness of its beauty, our spirits shall glow.

The first time I saw you,
I don’t remember how I felt.
Was I good to you,
Or did I only cry?

How you looked
Or how I looked to you
What you felt
When you first saw me,
How you felt
when you held me in your arms.

Did I cry or smile?
Was I a bother?
Did I make you suffer?
Were you happy
When I called your name for the first time,
Or when I looked at you with a smile?

Did you ever hate me,
Or do you hate me now?
I don’t know,
I seem to know nothing about you..
But you know everything about me.

I don’t remember how you looked when I first saw you,
But I will always remember your face till the day I die.
You will probably be the only person
I will think of on my deathbed.

Even someday when we won’t be together.
I will never really stop loving you as long as I live,
No matter how far apart we may be.
No matter how much I may hate you,
But I love you more than anything.

You have a whole lot of people around you,
But for me, you’re the only one I can see.
In this crowded world, you’re the only one I know.
So please do not ever leave me behind.
As long as I live, stay by my side.

At times, you make me feel suffocated,
But you’re the only one I can think of when I am sick.
Your name is the only thing my heart remembers in pain.
I may not remember how you looked when I first saw you,
But you’ll be the only one I will remember till my last breath.

If ’love’ really is real, you will be the only person I will ever love,
Even if it hurts, you will be the only one.
So till the day I die, please stay by my side,
Don’t ever leave me behind.

I may not be your first,
But you will be the only one for me,
I hope you know that, mom.

There was a role we all played,
It was carnage.
We raised the flag unafraid but
it was damaged.
She sent the fire hurdling and many would suffer,
But the ones who got out alive,
Had no way to recover.
He spoke so highly of her,
Until he witnessed her demise,
And that’s when he drove the blade,
And ended her rise.
What a shame!
Such promise in the years before she blamed the tears on the people who chanted their names.
You are all to blame!!
For the hurt that I feel, the pain that won’t heal and the scars that can’t kill me.
I just wallow in self-depravation.
I land hard on your creation and crumble at the seams.
Your healing hands don’t work no more, they just bleed.
And in the end, there are no winners and the golden throne is freed.
You bow down to the last of us but they will never be like me.
I will always be your queen.

I’ll confess to you that my love
Is pure I’ll be honest with you
can’t see why you being
All stiff like I’m not worthy or
Something maybe you should
See the bigger picture before it’s
Too late already started dating the
Woman I want the most don’t see me but I see her she’s everything to me see your value girl left all my bags at the door opening the door leaving all my past traumas behind me couple failed relationships taught me to control my mind don’t spill to much only vent to momma know she won’t use my words against me saw potential in me when I was dying in front her eyes happy to say I’m finally living different got my goals together &
Checked off the boxes behind tints
Can’t see me don’t want to be noticed hustling to disappear not to be seen invest in a brand with my brother can’t trust these other niggas can’t see why these bitches
Want to gold dig me cheap playing broke won’t buy you nothing teach you game through can’t put nothing pass you see through you like a lens
My vision clear see what’s really real life made me run under a rock had to move out that rock had to repair my mind had to learn them Niggas ain’t my friends couple of my day ones bitch made still love can’t be around me if you ain’t loyal see through everybody ain’t no getting over on me no words unless it’s from the chamber my heart bleed black ink I’m evil trying cleanse my soul hopefully you see me cause I see you know they creating false narratives about me say whatever don’t care less if I can’t learn from you don’t want to be around you not into
gossip what’s the facts niggas worried about the wrong shit I’m just trying tuck all my money away baking power in a Sandwich bag in the floor board been saving since I moved shorty still think I was fucking off on her confused her mind when I said I didn’t fell in love with my other life I’m really head first littlest soldier don’t get your head gone lied about a situation real reason shit went left crazy I become everything I lied to shorty about one step at a time ruining my life could’ve been something by now slow grinding puffing till my lungs hurt eyes low
Voice all low they keep saying huh my fault I’m in my mode doctor want to put me on crazy pills cause my bipolar mind happy to know about my mental state some call me crazy for thinking too much they say I’m killing my own happiness with negative thoughts did you know they get washed away with pure positivity showed your hand poker face on see how you were playing , played along to see if you were honest with me couple women tucked away for the autumn season never single long but this time I’m remaining alone
phone dry still deleting numbers
No messages in phone just thoughts
Don’t mind sharing with you don’t make me regret being vulnerable with you somebody told me learn to let go love is my biggest down fall keep loving all the wrong women keep your head on your shoulders stay alone know you love yourself it’s just something about being alone got me attracting myself to anybody not setting up boundaries not learning who I’m dealing with only showing my silly side haven’t been serious yet cause she probably not going last to see that side of me rather cut my tongue out before I kiss somebody ass not begging nor staying anywhere I’m not wanted
Wasted so much time on wasted love seeking for love when love slowly seeking me just
gotta remain focus on the
prize no stress no drama no more social media no more distractions less talking more actions so distasteful of me to go back on my words not going to do that fool of me for not sharing my real feelings had people walking over me lying to like it was fun game or something never believe in they lies any fucking way
Smile with many but don’t trust any
Same way they smile in your face be the same way they laugh behind your back all them I love you don’t be real you feel it in your soul when someone isn’t right gotta stop
Annoying it always trying see the good in people when they show they intentions are bad only going to bite you in the ass you keep going through the sane cycle in life cause you not learning same mistakes expecting different results is insanity
Go check in the mental asylum
See your future behind bars if you don’t change your fucking life I’m begging you open your fucking eyes before they close forever soul in another body having weird flashbacks of your past life
If you die right now what the fuck would your impact be will they miss you celebrate your name will your name live forever or will you fade away just another distant memory
On somebody’s social media clip know they only truly love when your heart stops only people who will love you unconditionally is your kid & parents never had no kids only know one of parents careless about my father happy to say thank you for giving me a piece of your liver you still a piece of shit worthless I’m not you use to believe that I would turn into you mother told me her biggest fear is one of kids being strung out on drugs it hit different cause I was high of perks when said this to me
One of my friends overdosed got me glad I stop popping been clean off pills since 2016 same time my friend caught all that time like he going be able to see hundred years told me please find your purpose don’t be trapped by this system they waiting for us & jail turn Niggas to monsters
A lot of niggas don’t come back the same traumatized from the shit I been exposed to at a early age
reason we don’t think the same
The cross always come close never from afar enemies be your friends & family even the person you call lover may even hurt you cause they confused on if they want you never get entangled with someone who’s still in love with they past & shit
Stop dating cause her body is banging if her mind isn’t complexed
Stay away from her if she’s easy to get a conversation out of talking about we fake blah blah blah love a female who hate everybody & just want to get the money she live for herself she’s not trying please the world she love herself she wants real life vibes not social media couple goals the vibes I’m searching for is something peaceful someone who’s home to me my escape from the world my happiness not my full source can bring my own happiness & love don’t mind alone time dark room looking into the darkness syncing my mind to the other side
Trying to open my third eye unlock the door to my heart & flooded you in my full love no reason to give half thoughts one percent of me being dished out hope you can handle it I’m a plate full anxiety and depression once ruled my mind
Repairing the broken part of my mind hasn’t been easy can’t keep letting people in they keep hurting me with lies too many betrayal I’m trying my hardest not to switch into a person I don’t I don’t recognize pass the smoke I’m kind hearted loving down to earth deeper than the surface shows I’m to myself for a reason
Honestly haven’t met anybody who mentally connects with me on a deeper level I’m seeking more wisdom wanting to be more understanding taking responsibility for all my actions for all my fuck ups can’t right my wrongs but can right my life may not hear from me for awhile leaving wasn’t easy left no choice honestly no reason to stay when I already seen myself leaving you all behind switch my whole life in a flash don’t know nobody no more genuinely happy with my decision
Only if you know how many nights I thought of this dreamed of it manifesting in the dark searching for light in my life till I realized I’m the light you know I just had myself off for too long them days are over wrote this to reflect on some of the things I need to let go of reading all my old letters to myself sorry if you got caught in the tornado the storm is over & I finally gripped life by the horns the mental war is over the mind Is finally free no more darkness
The transition to being happy has been easy no bad vibes no negative energy just pure positively pure intentions chasing what makes me happy I want everybody to be at peace with themselves love themselves forgive themselves we all fall but it’s up to you how long you stay down .

He waits and waits like a wolf does for its prey. I just try to lay in bed pretending he’s not in my head. As I lay in my bed he started to call for me in his own way. I wait and wait for him to stop like he does but it doesn’t it rings, rings, rings, and rings. I try to cover my ear but as always it doesn’t work. Blacking out and can’t see. I was trying to wake up without a doubt but he kept me in his trance. I knew I was his and he now owns me and I can’t do anything about it. I work for his every need and he knows that. I can’t escape his grip and if it’s sad to say my sanity was already at the tip. Family and friends gone in a second and now all I have left is him. “Yes Master” I say to all his commands and needs along with my fellow proxys. Toby who can’t feel pain but seems to enjoy me. Masky and Hoodie don’t talk much but to each other. Kate is pretty but we don’t talk much. We work for our master’s needs and wants. He is not our father but our boss. He has ruined many of our lives and saved many others. We have a home but we serve him. Slaves for life until the end.

I drown in sadness, I sink in despair
I drown in sadness, I have no air
I drown in sadness, I lose my sight
I drown in sadness, I have no light

But then you come, you come to me
But then you come, you come to see
But then you come, you pull me up
But then you come, you fill my cup

You lift me up, you give me hope
You lift me up, you give me scope
You lift me up, you make me smile
You lift me up, you make me style

You are my savior, my unexpected friend
You are my savior, my unexpected end
You are my savior, my unexpected joy
You are my savior, my unexpected boy

There I was
Breathing heavily as
I run away from an hooded guy
With a knife.
I couldn’t see who it was.
But tried to run away.
I ran as fast as my heavy legs could carry
And any minute I tarry.
My soul becomes a merry.
The figure ran after me.
I felt my heart pounding.
This was the end.
I beg thou Lord
Please accept my soul.
My soul thou to keep

I got attached and used to.
You. How cruel.

Never thought you’d resent me,
But l’ve accepted reality as it wants to be.

Never thought you’d hate me.
Did you know how much your words got to me?

I never thought I’d take anyone’s opinion so seriously.
But for you, I shed a tear quietly.

What did I do?
Nothing to deserve this.

We were close,
I was always nice to you,
But you’d say bad things about me, without me to your crew.

You couldn’t even take a photo with me on your last day?
Do you regret your way?

You gave me a message on how you don’t talk to me but you’ve loved me.
What stupid profanity?
Who do you think you are to rip me apart so carelessly?

It took me a year to finally say that I deserve better.
To you, my feelings didn’t matter.

If you ever change your mind and decide you wanna be friends,
That you wanna make amends,
Just know it already came to an end.

I waited a year for you to reach out,
But you didn’t do anything, more than about.

Every time, I got a chat request I hoped it would be you.
Insanity and hurt would come when I found out the truth.
Why’d you make me lose?

Its been a year and now I finally know I deserve better.
It’s been a hassle.

Before no matter how hard I tried,
I wanted to be close to you.
My self respect defied.

Don’t you think I liked you too much to think I deserved your brutality?
When you forgot about me.
Acted like my enemy.

I was at least your friend.
Wasn’t I?
Or was that also in my mind?

You changed like that,
It was too fast to properly react.
I really thought we had something worth more than that.
You were the only one who had enough of me to break my heart.

And guess what?
You did.

I should’ve known,
You weren’t the right person to have in my life all along.

It’s over,
If you ever truly change,
I’ll forgive you but I won’t forget.
Because I deserve better.

One last stab

One last stab you finally took to my heart

The last bit that was holding me together

The last bit I had holding onto you

The last part of me I had

Drip, drip the red blood,
Touching white floor,
No pain no gain,
I will break the law,

Aim for living life,
Never show you my flaw,
See you off my friend,
When I came to you tomorrow.

Double crossed by people I thought loved me crazy thing is I saw the fuck shit didn’t wanna believe it was supposed to hold me down like my spine my fault for thinking everybody loyal like me got bitches on my line who want me for the sex but who gonna cherish me looking for love in a dark place swear it’s only getting worse cause I’m older tired of these hoes want me a real one tired of popping these perks stomach in my back right now cause I’m craving them tens can’t shake the feeling got duck tape on my wounds reopening every wound heart full of pain glad to be a stoic enduring all this pain wondering if God listening cause every time I make that prayer for you to remove all the negativity from my life you expose all the fakes in a matter of seconds shit get deep like watching your friend die in front of your face seen my death in my dreams hope it’s painless hope they don’t cry for me don’t worry I’m not weak won’t go to the park & end it all I’m too alive just know it’s dark again love the rain know I don’t mind the pain it’s all apart of life she a bitch who love slow dancing in the rain
& I’m out here with her asking her the fuck you want from me heart all black like the pavement still in the streets like the lines in the road miss all my brother who up the road still round the same niggas who taught me everything it’s still never  leave my brothers till my heart flat line
Can’t believe my dawg died who .gonna help sis raise them kids
This my heart in these pages pouring my whole heart out won’t lie in these pages promise to get deeper & create something beyond your wildest dreams thank you for
reading.

Yours truly
- برينتون نيكولاس.

One last time

Know you miss me
I miss you too baby
Can’t cap you been
On my mental heavy
Lately let’s kiss make
Up for one lost time come
For me baby only bitch
Who get this raw dick
My baby forever my heart
Belong to you can’t cap
I’m all yours belong all
To you can’t cap you got
My heart baby swear you
So groovy got my mojo baby
all oversea looking at the wildlife
Mother land next know we been through hell you holding it down through the storm showed me you worth everything baby won’t leave your side fuck these other bitches won’t even name this mysterious person
Who has my heart forever don’t ever worry baby got us forever told you from the beginning I wasn’t perfect made so many mistakes done so much dirt the reason my finger nails so dirty cleaned my hands before we got in tuned let go of all my pride before I opened the door for you deep conversations letting you in my brain deeply won’t lie to you just don’t mislead me done seen so much left me so jaded know your secrets safe with me baby you safe here won’t hurt you just want to love you with everything come here let’s make up one last time promise you won’t regret it know you love it here kissing biting leaving marks all on my back hickeys all on my neck & chest
Look me in eyes talk nasty to me tell me how you love this dick legs shaking deeper I go haven’t put everything in yet baby look me in my eyes tell me you love this dick tell me that Pussy mine cum at the same time ain’t pulling out still hard still
Beating them walls down baby came here for rounds not here to play baby
Bounce slow baby lick that dick don’t forget the balls know ima suck them pretty toes thumb in your butt hold up let me spit in that ass tongue all over your pussy finger in your ass while I’m sucking that pussy
From behind pick you up eat this dick 69 with me watch you come non stop face down love them fart sounds pussy real wet drown me slow me baby know I don’t mine control your mind body & soul I’m toxic baby promise you’ll love it here coming over & over giving your body what it been desiring one last time.

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي