Voices,
All the voices,
In my head,
Those screams,
Every day,
Every second,
Repeat,
Like a tune
On cue
Again and again
In my head.

Every night,
Every day,
I keep hearing,
Those melodies,
Repeating,
Themselves,
But I mustn’t be
Allured,
I must refrain,
Yet another lure.

Like a lullaby
Ever so sweet
Makes me drowsy
But I mustn’t
Fall asleep,
I must refrain,
Yet another day,
Another night,
I must keep
Ignoring,
These allures,
And act like
I can’t hear ’em.

In twilight’s grasp, there echoes a tune,
A melancholy melody that sings of the moon,
Music’s bittersweet embrace, where sorrow does bloom,
A symphony of tears, a somber lamentation’s swoon.

Each note like drops of rain, falling from the sky,
Aching chords that whisper tales of goodbye,
The sorrowful strings weep, as the melodies sigh,
Music’s mournful embrace, where broken hearts lie.

Through sorrowed lyrics and haunting refrains,
The emotions tremble, as the silence wanes,
In every cadence and lyric, longing remains,
Music’s mournful embrace, forever it sustains.

Yet, within the sadness, a solace is found,
For music becomes the sanctuary, where hearts rebound,
Through tear-stained melodies, healing can be crowned,
Though sad, with each rhythm, strength can be found.

So let the music play, let the tears freely flow,
For in its melancholy, healing begins to grow,
Let the sorrowful melodies heal the wounds we know,
In the sadness of its beauty, our spirits shall glow.

X flies 5

Shay be geeking
Lorraine threw all my clothes
Out the house just to pick it
Right up, Monique, my favorite
Hood bitch Tisha from the
County Lor green bitch be lying
About everything De’Janaire
Phat as a bitch Sasha riding
wit tiara smoking till the
Whip cloudy jump in the back
Seat, let’s switch positions
Shamika Tonya calling my phone
Jada had me intrigued
Cause she wrote some shit so deep
It’ll Cleanse your soul
Reason I couldn’t let Zoey go
Conversation so deep the blunt
Done went out twice laughs with
Naomi would turn into kisses now she
Has a mouth full of dick looking up got me wishing it was Audrey drowning in her hazel eyes, both hands stroking, swallowing everything. Remember, Nevaeh would do splits while she rode it. Too many close calls came in her a couple of times. Plan B after plan B, just to repeat the same action with Reagan would have me lusting flashbacks of me licking her like a leaf, unwrap her turning her out; Bridget would scratch my back up, bite marks on my neck Melissa still mess with the same nigga how it feel to know your not her first Choice & I’m just a side nigga been fucking that pussy for bout five years now she does anything I say would think it’s mind control no it’s my honestly won’t lie because ain’t got time to remember a lie, Christina thought I was lying about some dumb shit knew what type time I’m on got hoes can’t cap lover my hart do belong to someone maybe one day she’ll receive them flowers think your so amazing with your pure hart hope you’ll worth it putting my eggs all in your basket letting them bitches go this my oat to you no more ex’s just us knew it was real when I block Mary can’t forget Bailey, Olivia, Harper & Riley; Kennedy pulled up on me with tears in her eyes telling me she doesn’t want to go on without me sound like a lot like Kylie wish I could hold Andrea one more time, Millie & Molly our night together in that hotel was so incredible Miss role playing with Zuri you been such a bad girl who deserves punishment handcuff her to the bed, shake for me, come for me come again an again Selena would squirt all night miss tasting Angela would lick every part of her body Vanessa was so flexible Lauren still tells me her pussy belong to me, Lyric drunk texting me telling me she’s addicted to me Liberty turns 36 in a few days wonder if i should call her last time we talked was two years ago see you commenting in my stories should open them but not trying go back down that toxic road Blaire the sweetest girl I’ve ever met really proud of Jamie she finished law school remember all them late nights watching you study massaging your feet India moved to Florida to become a nurse
Hurt Amanda got locked up for stabbing her boyfriend to death heard he was beating her want to
Send her some money & pictures to let her know she’s still on my mind

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

Zy letter

Your love was so good for me had to let you go because my heart was too ruined to love didn’t want to break your heart know you were mad when I moved on, but you already had
Niggas on your line lost all my trust for you had to go separate ways even know you were good for my mental your mindset beyond this
Atmosphere, don’t let anybody treat you like
An option cause you the one who’ll make a man heart sing. I got memories with you that I won’t let go remember your short cut in slow motion round after round, tv blasting
Because you would be so loud ain’t want to get caught up ain’t know you had that ocean almost came twice had readjusted my stoke
So many times know you still love me see you watching my stories wonder if we could fuck one more time give your soul what it been needing legs shaking pussy spraying like ah sprinkler spite in your mouth choking you till your face turn red back shots hanging off the bed beat that little tight
Pink pussy till it’s Burgundy know your home girls tell you leave me alone but it’s something about our connection that can’t be broken guess we’ll meant to be in each other life know I love you do anything for you if you need to talk I’m a phone call away hope you not letting these clowns play with your heart cause you deserve the world & all the stars in the galaxy cause your one of a kind
Love so rare heart so pure kisses felted like
Clouds, your so soft voice, so beautiful, so silly, so down to earth freaky as fuck take this dick, baby don’t tap on me putting every inch in your belly girl hope you know I’m still here for through it all forever friends
Can’t chill because we are going to fuck
Don’t matter where we at can be in public
I’m trying to feel that pussy grabbing
That ass all that shit miss you can’t lie baby this letter for you




Shiddd, you know I’ll always love you zy stay beautiful queen.

Yours truly

-
‎برينتون نيكولاسي

(DISCLAIMER! This is disturbing, but I promise you this is just a POEM! Nothing more)


That bottomless pain in my heart only caves in deeper as the days pass on
I feel like I’m drowning in my grief—
thick and sickening
Whenever I look at my reflection
my emotions slip away and I curse myself
My heart crumbles to dust
I want to break every mirror I see,
I never want to see the girl looking back at me ever again
I want to tear her apart
What happened to her?
I hate her so much,
this girl
I wish she never screwed her life up as she had
She makes me want to scream
and crumple to the ground
and die
Why do I have to see that girl
whenever I see a reflection?
What have I turned into?
What am I doing?
I hate that girl in the mirror
looking back at me
I wish she would disappear
I want her to die
and never come back
I’m drowning and I can’t. . .
I just can’t anymore
I never want to see her again
Just die already,
girl in the mirror,
whose eyes are full of pain
without a tear to drop
Just die

William Reed sits on his leather recliner a top his two story penthouse an accomplished assassin indeed but healthy as he sips on fresh grounded coffee beans straight from his garden not taking a liking to brandy as a killer he must have something wrong with him right? Yes you’d be right while sipping on his black coffee he takes generous bites of his favorite white chocolate King Cream *Sips ahhh* m-Master a young woman crawls from inside his bedroom she has quite the figure looks to be in her mid twenties brunette there seems to be bruises on her skin she’s wearing a blindfold and there a gag hanging just below her mouth. I think there’s something wrong with my sister after her comes a sickly looking blonde woman mid twenties but this time her skin is riddled with sores and open wounds without saying a word the blonde crawls over using every ounce of her strength to pull herself on to her masters lap one last time he pets her in her final moments until she passes away all too soon and her warm blood starts to turn cold don’t worry he mutters The wretched bastard who did this too you will burn in hell you won’t be alone.

Running in the darkness


Ain’t been feeling nothing guess
I’ll blame the pills fell back in love with the feeling of not feeling anything I’m facing everything
Growing pain got me separating
Myself from everyone twin & I wasn’t see eye to eye about some small shit
Don’t matter what we go through we get through it miss my sister haven’t spoke to her since that crazy morning I love you my  Nigga just want better for you got some shit to get right all this poor grammar got me in different situations where I don’t wanna express myself anymore is they even listening to me do you really feel me had someone tell me they love me just to change on me shit ain’t  hurt the pills took my emotions away I’m in love with alone time in my room looking at my bank account thinking to myself should I run away & get away from all this madness grew up a screw up my daddy want me build a strong relationship with my little brother don’t want him to ending  up like them suckers who pretend to be hard get in the court room telling everything seen a lot of my close friends lose their freedom from putting they trust in the wrong people same nigga say he love you be the same one cross you out for some bread really hate a lying ass bitches won’t see me cuffing nothing don’t even speak pig Latin
Been awhile since I felted like me back in my shoes had to take a look in the mirror & find my soul through my eyes running through the darkness trying to find some better land wrote Lies in my feelings no more blues just a loner wondering why my momma keep asking me about grandkids told her I’ll probably never have kids cause I want a wife not a woman who can’t let go of her lust thrills had my heart played with too much trust issues got me not believing a word anybody telling me been trying detox my body ain’t eating meat going vegan no more processed food hard quitting cold turkey needed stop letting these pills
Melt on my tongue like they won’t
Destroy my liver already bad enough I’m drinking this poison won’t ever chase these women don’t even chase my liquor blocking more numbers not even sending out little letters to anybody been keeping to myself I’m at peace feel good to be stress free said at the beginning of the year more money less stress
cut them old friends out my circle they was chasing highs same mother fuckers who’ll smile in your face be the same ones sneak jabbing you ona net jealousy come in many sharps and forms don’t think I’m better just know I’m realer won’t pick sides keep my name out your mentions been doing good at not snapping out still feel the rage in me waiting to escape again can’t lose my freedom my mama & them need me I’m the man of the family gotta break all the family curses can’t let nobody take me off my mission had a moment the other day when I felted my emotions saw a video of my dawgs we was so young cutting not giving a fuck remember telling myself if I fail the 12th grade ima sell girl & boy still get a little rush from hitting plays nah I’m not big time never took no fronts always asked questions needed know your numbers don’t worry I won’t fuck you over remember what Sosa told Tony well I listened got in close never burned any bridges got in good with the right people still tied in with gang members I’ll never come home but I’ll rock a dude for my brother his momma ain’t the only person who gonna be crying running in the darkness trying to get away from this life they waiting for me death around the corner not dying no time soon told my niece till two hundred and I keep all my promises cross my heart hope to die in the darkness running for my life see the light it getting closer don’t care about what they pushing nowadays I stand on what I believe they falling for anything should’ve went to college been reading books from Yale reading
list trying open up my mind hate small talk be wanting deep uncomfortable conversations lets uncover something tired of hearing about the same shit that won’t make a impact on our lives don’t want my future kids to struggle won’t spoil them but they won’t see what I had to endure was a bad kid my momma miracle child was so wick should be glad I got homeschooled really was acting a fool in elementary no fear in my heart put hands on anybody never backed down from nobody
Couldn’t read for shit & didn’t learn how to write in cursive knew how to
Make money always had the hustle in me was around to many hustles learned the game from so many different people on what not to do
Free all my brothers we don’t bleed the same blood but love them like my momma birth them remember little bro lost my whole pack brought my first set of fronts the next the day my nigga till the end only got one real friend everybody else just be here sucking a nigga energy they really dislike me cause I ain’t gotta hide behind a mask yeah I hide my emotions I’m honestly trying to suppress this anger in my heart
Seen so much that left me scared mentally and physically can’t
Imagine living no other way love what made me grabbing my things time to get out of survival mode had to leave just hope you understand we all here for a reason know my purpose just pursuing a hundred miles per hour in the darkness
Hoping not to crash lost a tire
On the road had to get my hands
Dirty a few times still shake in my sleep was doing good at not pooping pills done relapses had to numb myself mind was racing not writing had me losing my mind had to spill this little letter to let you know I’m good

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاس

Where did my civilization go?
It went down my throat
”Find another girl”
I don’t talk to whores

The way she pushes me away
Just makes my heart cry
”Oh! She’s gone now, forget it.”
I can’t help but pry.

It’s okay though, we were close I know her routes
Anytime she’s sick I can show up with fruits But I wouldn’t do that, would I?
When I know her parents come home late on Fridays
These dry days can be utilized when her brother’s on tour
I’ll just reach upto her and sneak in the door

I’ll make her sniff the handkerchief
Oof! She’s down now
Hostile and vulnerable, wow!
”Shashak, you shall take her down now” I followed the voices and reached basement
She wakes up, her face lifts
Sees me, ad-lib
”Shashak, is that you?”
Whore, I’m gonna rub you
Let your mind off
For this, there’ll be curfew
People on the streets, wanting for justice I surely can’t help, but get my first kiss
She was tied down, I leaned in
She pulled herself back and screamed in
Your house is locked, we’re in the basement bitch
You can’t help but just get fucked I start, she didn’t stop screaming
”Shashak, just to let you know; you’re not dreaming.
I reached out to the scissors kept in the corner
She was still screaming, it was time to own her
But first a part though, I cut her tongue
Put it in my pocket, I see a bong
”Oh! Your dad smokes?” She didn’t answer
I actually forgot, I had tongue of this strip dancer
I was doing what I wanted
She got no help, ”Where’s the angel part of me?”
I got no statement
I could see her bleeding, still couldn’t stop me
I would stop if i came from this dripped meat

”No need to think of abortion ma’am, you’re gonna die now.
”This is what heaven feels like, also hell wow.
Blood was dripping, ”Am I a necrophile?”I pierce the scissors through her filed nail
I don’t think about law, or jail or bail I was just killing her and her fail!
It was like eating a fish, they don’t have emotions
She does, I don’t, I live in distortion I was tearing her, watching her apart
I was going on, no one to alert.

I shake her, break her and cry for nature
In the mean course; I get hurt too
This is reality, song with no feature
God sends angels, I ask her is she okay?
Just for angels to find out her tongue’s in my pocket
Touché

”Shashak you’re going to hell”, Take me right now
If you don’t, it’s gonna be a long court fight though
The fear kicked in, now I was scared
The consequences....
I slowly ripped my heart out and my organs were scarred.

I can’t help but fall,
Every time I see you,
Those eyes, your silly grin,
The way you do quirky things,
Every word you say and all you do.

These feelings are hard to describe.
I can’t help but smile every time you cross my mind,
I get this giddy feeling inside,
And find myself grinning wide.

You’re the cure to my heart,
The way you light up my monochrome world with your shine,
Oh the way you chase away the sadness from my life,
I can’t help but smile when I see those perfect eyes.

Thinking of those eyes and your charming smile,
Your contagious laugh and your playful style,
The way you do adorable things, so cute,
And how your eyes light up when you do.
Oh the way I love all those small things,
No, I love just everything about you.

I think I’m in love with someone who doesn’t exist.

P.S. Dedicated to all my fictional crushes 💀
(I THINK I’M GOING CRAZY- in love=)

When I first saw you I wasn’t so sure
Who is this man?
Will he replace Miss L?
I thought you were gross and weird
I was unsure of you
But then I asked you the question
I tried to get Miss but you answered first instead
The answer: yes
The topic: Sherlock
Your answer: you like it
Just like me, loving Andrew Scott
And I knew you were going to be awesome

The first time I found your help
I wanted Miss, not you
But it wasn’t so bad
In fact, you gave me confidence and a personal pride
So I knew you were going to be awesome

Later on, not much farther
Bullies and haters came to haunt me
To hunt me, to hurt me
But I knew where to go
I came to you
I came to safety
I came to advice
You got me through and helped me grow
Told me not to fight back and flare up
And it worked
They left
So I thank you for that

As the year passed, I grew even more
I grew shyer, stronger, lonelier
I had rough patches
Full of self-hate, pain and sadness
But I knew where to come
I knew who would help
I came to you

You saved my life
Saved my soul
Brought back my emotions
Brought back desire to live
Brought back my hope
No suicidal thoughts now
Just you and your advice spinning in my head
Telling me it will be ok
Telling me life’s beautiful
Telling me things will get better

A couple months later
And many talks later
I finally felt alive
No more fresh cuts and no more hard stares
I think I have emotions now
Small infrequent insignificant emotions, but emotion nonetheless
I don’t know if it feels nice or gross
But I’ll follow your advice and say that they’re normal

You gave me a whole new perspective on life
Maybe I can change my future
I don’t have to end it
I am not a heartless person
There are a rare few people who actually don’t hate me
You were not wrong when you said I’d feel different - I do
And you are the reason I’m here today

And then I found guitar, found music
Escape from reality and my key to speciality
Found out you liked it too
Came for advice to you
You taught me alot to know
And supported too

I guess you’ve become like a surrogate father to me
Like Miss is like a surrogate aunt to me
You both are like family
Both are like friends
I apologize if I push the boundaries and annoy you sometimes
I just have a very stubborn personality
And a strange desire for company
If I have a lonely or sad day, there’s a high chance I’ll come to you
Just to chat or get advice
To just talk it out or share my news
To feel less alone
But thank you for somehow putting up with me so far

As you probably know, I am really shit at emotions
So I try to express gratitude through tiny stuff such as
Gifts, compliments and chats
But I apologise if they’re getting annoying

We have so much in common and I don’t think I can ever let you go
Dread the day I’ll have to say goodbye
But it’s inevitable
So for now all I have to say is thank you
Thank you for everything
Thank you for being like a lifeline
A person I go to if I’m ever on the brink of breaking
See you another day
Another day that, without your advice and encouragement, I never would have made.

I got attached and used to.
You. How cruel.

Never thought you’d resent me,
But l’ve accepted reality as it wants to be.

Never thought you’d hate me.
Did you know how much your words got to me?

I never thought I’d take anyone’s opinion so seriously.
But for you, I shed a tear quietly.

What did I do?
Nothing to deserve this.

We were close,
I was always nice to you,
But you’d say bad things about me, without me to your crew.

You couldn’t even take a photo with me on your last day?
Do you regret your way?

You gave me a message on how you don’t talk to me but you’ve loved me.
What stupid profanity?
Who do you think you are to rip me apart so carelessly?

It took me a year to finally say that I deserve better.
To you, my feelings didn’t matter.

If you ever change your mind and decide you wanna be friends,
That you wanna make amends,
Just know it already came to an end.

I waited a year for you to reach out,
But you didn’t do anything, more than about.

Every time, I got a chat request I hoped it would be you.
Insanity and hurt would come when I found out the truth.
Why’d you make me lose?

Its been a year and now I finally know I deserve better.
It’s been a hassle.

Before no matter how hard I tried,
I wanted to be close to you.
My self respect defied.

Don’t you think I liked you too much to think I deserved your brutality?
When you forgot about me.
Acted like my enemy.

I was at least your friend.
Wasn’t I?
Or was that also in my mind?

You changed like that,
It was too fast to properly react.
I really thought we had something worth more than that.
You were the only one who had enough of me to break my heart.

And guess what?
You did.

I should’ve known,
You weren’t the right person to have in my life all along.

It’s over,
If you ever truly change,
I’ll forgive you but I won’t forget.
Because I deserve better.

The shards of our friendship is all that I have left,
Lying cold and lost for so long.
If touched, I’ll be left to bleed out alone.

Our memories are sharp like knives
And every time I remember one,
It feels like a stab to the heart.

Over and over, the pain continues.
You leaving was torture,
Like you were trying to get something from me
That I didn’t have.

Love is like a virus,
Sworn to hurt everyone infected.
People say the effects will wear off.
I’m not so certain.

You always had the tightest grip on me
Although, you only held on when it mattered most.
No wonder I wasn’t left bruised and bleeding.

You never gave us a real chance
Instead you built a brick wall,
Ensuring you kept me out of your glance

You pushed me out,
When all I wanted to do was help.
But you didn’t care at all.

It was always a shot in the dark with you.
But never a guaranteed hit.
You had me wrapped around your finger
Since the day we met.

You hit me where it hurt the most,
And you didn’t even seem to care that you didn’t miss.
And the bullet holes will never heal over.
Just like the memories I can never forget.

I miss you everyday,
You’ll never understand how much.
I would still do anything for you,
even though you wouldn’t even try for us.

***
Just know, I will always carry the shattered pieces of us with me,
No matter how many scars I gain from it.

I will always look through our memories,
Even if it means feeling like my heart’s been cut to pieces.

I would go through all amounts of torture,
Just to see you smile and be happy.

I would make myself sick of love,
If it meant spending one more day with you.

I would allow myself to be black and blue,
If it meant you holding onto me.

I would use everything I have to knock every wall you built down,
And I’d jump from the tallest building for you.

I will always take a bullet for you,
Even when it’s you pulling the trigger.

I would walk through the worst parts of Hell,
If it meant you giving me just one thought.

I will always feel this way about you,
But if I’m being honest,
On top of everything,
I wish I could forget you.

Like you forgot me.