He waits and waits like a wolf does for its prey. I just try to lay in bed pretending he’s not in my head. As I lay in my bed he started to call for me in his own way. I wait and wait for him to stop like he does but it doesn’t it rings, rings, rings, and rings. I try to cover my ear but as always it doesn’t work. Blacking out and can’t see. I was trying to wake up without a doubt but he kept me in his trance. I knew I was his and he now owns me and I can’t do anything about it. I work for his every need and he knows that. I can’t escape his grip and if it’s sad to say my sanity was already at the tip. Family and friends gone in a second and now all I have left is him. “Yes Master” I say to all his commands and needs along with my fellow proxys. Toby who can’t feel pain but seems to enjoy me. Masky and Hoodie don’t talk much but to each other. Kate is pretty but we don’t talk much. We work for our master’s needs and wants. He is not our father but our boss. He has ruined many of our lives and saved many others. We have a home but we serve him. Slaves for life until the end.

One last time

Know you miss me
I miss you too baby
Can’t cap you been
On my mental heavy
Lately let’s kiss make
Up for one lost time come
For me baby only bitch
Who get this raw dick
My baby forever my heart
Belong to you can’t cap
I’m all yours belong all
To you can’t cap you got
My heart baby swear you
So groovy got my mojo baby
all oversea looking at the wildlife
Mother land next know we been through hell you holding it down through the storm showed me you worth everything baby won’t leave your side fuck these other bitches won’t even name this mysterious person
Who has my heart forever don’t ever worry baby got us forever told you from the beginning I wasn’t perfect made so many mistakes done so much dirt the reason my finger nails so dirty cleaned my hands before we got in tuned let go of all my pride before I opened the door for you deep conversations letting you in my brain deeply won’t lie to you just don’t mislead me done seen so much left me so jaded know your secrets safe with me baby you safe here won’t hurt you just want to love you with everything come here let’s make up one last time promise you won’t regret it know you love it here kissing biting leaving marks all on my back hickeys all on my neck & chest
Look me in eyes talk nasty to me tell me how you love this dick legs shaking deeper I go haven’t put everything in yet baby look me in my eyes tell me you love this dick tell me that Pussy mine cum at the same time ain’t pulling out still hard still
Beating them walls down baby came here for rounds not here to play baby
Bounce slow baby lick that dick don’t forget the balls know ima suck them pretty toes thumb in your butt hold up let me spit in that ass tongue all over your pussy finger in your ass while I’m sucking that pussy
From behind pick you up eat this dick 69 with me watch you come non stop face down love them fart sounds pussy real wet drown me slow me baby know I don’t mine control your mind body & soul I’m toxic baby promise you’ll love it here coming over & over giving your body what it been desiring one last time.

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي

(DISCLAIMER! This is disturbing, but I promise you this is just a POEM! Nothing more)


That bottomless pain in my heart only caves in deeper as the days pass on
I feel like I’m drowning in my grief—
thick and sickening
Whenever I look at my reflection
my emotions slip away and I curse myself
My heart crumbles to dust
I want to break every mirror I see,
I never want to see the girl looking back at me ever again
I want to tear her apart
What happened to her?
I hate her so much,
this girl
I wish she never screwed her life up as she had
She makes me want to scream
and crumple to the ground
and die
Why do I have to see that girl
whenever I see a reflection?
What have I turned into?
What am I doing?
I hate that girl in the mirror
looking back at me
I wish she would disappear
I want her to die
and never come back
I’m drowning and I can’t. . .
I just can’t anymore
I never want to see her again
Just die already,
girl in the mirror,
whose eyes are full of pain
without a tear to drop
Just die

Adore you

Miss your face don’t know if
I can say I love you but I’ll say
I adore you crave your touch
Miss your kisses wanna rub
Your naked body give them
Soft lips slow kisses got you
On my mind fuck you like I’m
Madly in love vibe so pure got
You craving everything about
Me know you love it here won’t
Play in your face like finger paint
Just want you to drown me with
That wet pussy got me so invested
In your energy transferring all my
Energy into you pouring so much pure energy into you got no choice but to fall in love Sorry that the effect of messing with me love so hard probably will love you more than you love yourself don’t care about your flaws we’ll grow I’ll show you the functions of my heart show you what real love feels like this that grandparents love I’m showing you ain’t see no man love my momma but my grandfather loved my nana to pieces my uncle & his wife been together for my whole life span know love is real look me in my eyes my mothers love kept me alive on that operation table was only a baby when I was dying only thing keeping me alive is my mothers love and God choosing me to show he’s real can’t mess this opportunity up ain’t get this chance for nothing just adoring my time with you my darling hope you know I’m deep & I think outside the box trying escape the matrix hope you come with me and see life from the outside evolving into a different person tearing the old layer of myself off creating something brand new hope you adore me cause I adore you if not it’s cool understand everything comes to a end
nothing is promised
not even life just adore
The moments that
made you smile feels good
To say I’ve been sawing nothing
But pure intentions showing my raw
Self to you being vulnerable opening up a different man come walk with me to a different realm opening my third eye can see the destination & it’s beautiful I’m off the grind now just enjoy your company I adore you my darling.


Forever Yours
- برينتون نيكولاس

YOU

YOU just don’t know the type
Shit I deal with on the regular
Mad at me cause I didn’t allow
YOU to play in my face like
Finger paint not with the fussing
YOU can lie to
Someone else ruin someone
else’s this heart of mine to pure
happiness in a pen and a
Pad loving myself can’t be
Wasting my youth on wasted
Love YOU were almost my
Soft spot till the spot harden
most valuable pretender
Award goes to YOU didn’t know
YOU moved like that so glad to be away see YOU for what YOU are peace signs out the window
Good riddance on to the next chapter in my life and you aren’t involved got my own shit to deal with trying move out the city cause them carbs in a barrel keep trying pull me down trying duck a indictment don’t want to lose my freedom cause one these weirdos pillow kicking to me about another man business won’t catch me being no Wendy Williams
Ain’t no gossip girl the difference between me & YOU is I was raised by cold hearted killers & trappers bunch of gang members round me learned the game early seen niggas throw they whole life away for a dollar better save your money for a lawyer cause they going try and throw YOU under the jail hope your bitch really love you cause when shit get hard she’ll be fucking your partner she fuck around and be on the phone with you with another nigga dick in her mouth taking back shot hurrying up off the phone now you mad calling back to back clutching your gun on your way to her house to kill everybody YOU just don’t know what someone doing behind your back watch your own spine don’t put nothing pass nobody it’s a cold world love yourself correct might get YOU some true love out here YOU just don’t know someone intentions everybody ain’t YOU
remember that.

Forever Yours
- برينتون نيكولاس

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵

Slowly, painfully, bitterly
Standing still
Watching their backs
Vanishing in space
Frozen in place
Time passes by
But memories remain
Buried deep within
The hollow chamber
Only to creep out
Time and time again
Time moves on
Seasons change
Yet, the hurt remains
The memories never really fade

People appear
And then disappear
Empty-handed, they arrive
Take a piece of the heart as they depart
Leaving nothing but an empty soul, torn apart
An empty void that can’t be filled
There dwell the memories
Buried within, inside the heart

People come and go
Leave footprints behind
That never fade
Time heals
But the scars remain
After the night, the day arrives
Only for the night to return again
It’s a cycle that repeats
They leave only to return
Like a whisper in the wind
Like rain after the sun
Buried deep within
The memories resurface
Creeping out
Crawling in the darkness
Haunting the night
Wasting the day
People leave only to return again
As memories
That never fade
The hurt never leaves
The scars remain

People come and leave
Only to steal a piece of the heart
To steal peace from life
Leaving behind a heavy weight
Known as 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴

So... where are you headed now?” Monse timidly answered that we were going to Indianola to search for supplies. Slender slowly withdrew his shotgun from Herson’s mouth and tried to convince us that it had all been overrun by the dead. ”We want to see for ourselves, but thanks anyway,” Ismael said with a frightened look. Suddenly, Slender asked us, seemingly out of context, if we wanted to work for him. After the incident with the shotgun, I already knew that I wanted nothing to do with him or his group.

As I was about to say that we had no need for Slender’s services, he suddenly punched Herson in the face with full force. Ismael panicked and pulled out his weapon, but Ellep remained calm and ignored the situation. I aimed my gun at Slender and whispered to Monse to open the door and run with me into the woods on my signal. Slender looked at me and began laughing. ”What are you going to do, little man, shoot me?” he said mockingly. I gave Monse the signal and we ran into the woods, but Ellep stayed in the car, staring tensely into emptiness.

”Come on, what are you waiting for?” Slender shouted to his men. We ran and ran, but Slender’s men were close behind. After a while, I ran out of breath and collapsed onto the ground. Monse, who was still fit enough, tried to help me up, but I pushed her away and ordered her to run to Sally and keep herself safe. However, she refused to listen to me. ”Monse, please, you have to go,” I said, handing her my pistol. She looked at me one last time and ran away.

I grabbed a thick stick lying on the dirty forest floor and crouched behind a tree, waiting for Slender’s men to run past me. Then, I struck them in the face with the stick. I heard footsteps approaching on the leafy ground and hit the person with the stick in the face as well. He fell to the ground, apparently unconscious. Just as I was about to take his weapon, one of Slender’s men turned the corner and aimed his gun at me. ”Don’t move,” he said, and I raised my hands in the air and turned around. Then, he approached me and hit me with his weapon, knocking me unconscious.

footsteps approaching on the leafy ground and hit the person with the stick in the face as well. He fell to the ground, apparently unconscious. Just as I was about to take his weapon, one of Slender’s men turned the corner and aimed his gun at me. ”Don’t move,” he said, and I raised my hands in the air and turned around. He then approached me and hit me with his weapon, knocking me unconscious.

Who am I, who was I, who will I be? I was knocked out, but I could still hold my funeral speech in my head, I felt dead, dead like a gazelle without legs, dead like the right to be who we want to be, dead like we all if no one comes to save us. It’s only been one day and we’re already being attacked by our own kind. What will they do with me? Will I die, be enslaved, or used as a punching bag? I don’t know, but I hope Farah won’t be too sad if it happens. Oh God, please give me your help, give me strength, and please protect Farah.

Monse ran through the forest, running as fast as she could. Even though no one had been following her for five minutes, she kept running with a pain in her side. From a distance, she saw Sally’s farm and picked up her pace. ”SALLY...SALLY,” Monse shouted from the edge of the forest. When she arrived, Sally wasn’t there, and Monse searched the farm, but no one was there. She screamed into the air, but there was no sign of life until she heard footsteps on the leafy forest ground. It was Javi, one of the survivors. ”Javi, where are the others?” Monse asked urgently. ”They’re still in the forest,” Javi said, asking why she wanted to know. She told Javi everything that had happened, and they both ran back into the forest to Sally and the others.

”I’ve always felt like a nobody, even before everything started. At just 19, my parents were deported, and I had to live with a relative in Mississippi. I had to work full-time since I turned 18, barely having any time for myself. Taking care of Farah, my younger sister, consumed my entire life. I never had friends or experienced the feeling of love. And as if that weren’t enough, a war broke out in my homeland, and I’m certain my parents are no longer alive. So what’s the problem? Why can’t I just die? My name is Ismail Al Sharabi, and I long for deliverance.”

Monse and Javi ran towards Sally and the others in the woods. ”Monse, are you back already?” asked Sally. Monse told Sally that Ismael and the others had been attacked. Sally instinctively asked if Monse was okay. Without answering, Monse grabbed Sally’s hand and tried to pull her towards the farm to drive to Ismael. ”Monse, what are you doing?” asked Sally. ”We’re looking for Ismael,” replied Monse.

Javi went up to Monse and removed her hand from Sally’s. ”Javi, what are you doing?” asked Monse, confused. Javi explained that it was too risky, but Monse put her hands over her ears so she wouldn’t have to hear him. Sally grabbed Monse and pulled her hands away from her ears. ”I’m sorry, Monse, but it’s too dangerous,” said Javi. There were seconds of silence, filled with disappointment.

”What if it was Sucre,” Monse yelled. Sucre was Javi’s son who lived in Massachusetts with his mother. Javi stayed silent until he angrily pointed his finger at Monse’s face. ”Don’t you dare say his name,” Javi replied furiously. Monse answered with a simple, mean, ”Make me.” There were a few seconds of silence until a voice was heard in the distance. It was Farah, asking if she could eat the black berries. Everyone looked at Farah from a distance. No one said anything, as they all thought about how Ismael was Farah’s only family. Ellep and Herson didn’t matter to Sally, but she changed her mind and looked at Monse. ”Come on, let’s go get that idiot back,” Sally said.

Ismael awoke to find himself on a cold, dirty floor with his left hand shackled to a pipe. He saw Ellep and Herson, also bound and unconscious, and desperately tried to wake them up. Ellep was already awake, frantically trying to break free from the handcuffs, but without success. What had he expected, really?

”Where are we?” Ismael cried out in despair.

”In a slaughterhouse,” Ellep replied, gesturing to the blood and animal remains scattered all around them.

Herson woke up and immediately began screaming, pulling at his handcuffs and even trying to bite through them.

”Calm down, it’s no use,” said Ellep hopelessly to Herson.

I told Ellep not to think like that, but he argued with me, trying to convince me that there was no way out. I ignored him and tried to think of a way to escape.

”My hand hurts like hell,” Herson complained, to which Ellep replied provocatively, ”If you hadn’t pulled on the handcuffs like a maniac, your hand would be better off than your brain.”

A heated argument broke out between Ellep and Herson, with them hurling insults at each other while I continued to think. But then Herson said something that gave me a painful idea - ”Shut up Ellep or I’ll shove my thumb down your throat!”

”Thumb,” something clicked in my mind. And right next to Herson lay a blood-stained towel. I asked him to throw it to me and he questioned why. I explained that I had an idea. He threw it to me, and I crumpled it into a ball and put it in my mouth. I closed my eyes, turned my head away, and dislocated my thumb.

Monse, Sally, and Javi sat in Bo’s truck, on their way to find the guys. Sally and Monse sat in the back of the truck while Javi drove. ”Why do you insist on saving Ismael?” Sally asked arrogantly and curiously. ”Because Ismael is Farah’s family,” Monse replied. Sally knew Monse was lying, and Monse knew that Sally knew. ”Do you love him?” Sally asked. Monse stared at the floor of the truck, ignoring Sally. Sally was about to ask again when Javi intervened. ”Sally, I think that’s enough,” Javi said and continued driving. Seconds of silence passed until Monse looked out the window and interrupted the silence with a slightly annoyed tone, ”Yes.”

Ismael screamed in pain, clutching the blood-soaked towel. Ellep and Herson stared at Ismael as if he had committed the most bizarre crime in the world. ”Dude,” Herson and Ellep said simultaneously, their voices filled with shock. I kept the towel in my mouth, locking eyes with Herson and Ellep, and popped my dislocated thumb back into place. I screamed even louder than before. Rising to my feet, I removed the towel from my mouth. Searching the room frantically, I spotted a chair, grabbed it, and placed it beside Ellep.

I climbed onto it, unscrewing the rusted bolts of the pipe. Once I freed Herson, we needed a plan. My idea was to create loud noises to attract Slender’s men and then knock them unconscious. It was our only solution. Ellep and I pretended to still be tied up while Herson hid beside the metal door. We shouted and insulted Slender, hammering against the walls and continuing to scream. ”What the hell are you bastards doing in there?” we heard from behind the door. A man, dressed in black and armed, entered the room, berating us. Herson emerged from behind him and thrust a shard of broken rib into the man’s throat.

He kept stabbing relentlessly until the man’s neck resembled a pot of tomato sauce and squashed spaghetti. Fear gripped us as we looked at Herson’s bloodied face. Herson took the man’s weapon and said, ”Come on, let’s show this old bastard who’s in charge.”

’𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’
The words I could never tell

’𝘈 𝘩𝘶𝘨’
That I couldn’t give you, no matter the day

’𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’
I wish I had said.

But what’s the point of regretting, now it’s too late

I wished I had wiped your tears
And held you closely, dear
Whispered sweet nothings into your ears
And told you all about my fears.

And I wished you’d hold me
And tell me not to suffer alone,
Hold out your hands,
And pull me from the abyss.

But you left me in the dark, alone
Never even looked back, as I crawled.
I never wanted to hate you, the way I do, trust me,
I never thought I would feel this way about you, I swear.

But here I am hating you more than anything,
Trying to justify my wrongdoings
I know you mean well for me
But I can’t seem to shake these feelings

I know you love me,
But I can’t seem to give the same love back.
I am sorry for being a 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦,
I am sorry for the things I lack.
Forgive me for being an ungrateful brat.

But you know it’s not entirely my fault,
You’re partly to blame too, if not all.
For the things that changed, remain unseen,
I wish I could tell you all the things, I believe.

The things that you couldn’t see,
Or did you just ignore me?

What am I?

What am I to you?

Am I a toy?

Am I a tool?

A satisfactory plaything
From that you like to play.

Or just another 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦

That you wish you could erase.

His skin started melting like wax.

Slowly dripping onto the floorboards,

Pooling in little puddles at their feet.



Her eyes burned with a flame,

Untamable by any force other than his gentle breath.

Her blistering pupils staring into his cool eyes.



His skin burned, a pain which would not be expressed by oral noises.

He yearned to tell her to stop, but he couldn’t manage any sound.

So he sat and melted away, slowly being devoured in flame.



She new nothing of his endurance, to her, he seemed perfectly cheerful.

So her burning eyes and his melting skin continued their eternal grapple.



Their fuse was running short, soon to be snuffed out.

His waxy skin dripped down her fingers, trickling down his arms, legs, building up layers on the wooded floors.

Her heat continually burning his melted skin, burning through the floor.



Her obliviousness slowly melting, just slower than his skin, his hair, his eyes melting away.

She noticed his pain only once she noticed his face’s contortions being exaggerated ever so much more,

His pain became visible to her, only once it was to late for their love; to late for his live; to late for her pain to overwhelm her; to late for him to be saved.



As he met his smoldering end, he stared into her burning eyes slowly turning icy cold.

He watched as she became cold, as he became hotter than he could handle.

His skin dripping, him melting, drooping, bending, folding in ways that a body should not.



She watched him contort, twist, warp, in positions that looked painful to her flickering shape.

To a being with no mass his distortions looked agonizing.

She felt herself become cold; she felt her mind numbing; her body solidifying.



They watched each other change, him dying, her being reborn.

Both in pain equally physically and mentally.

His eyes slowly faded, soon after burning away. Her skin frosted over, becoming colder than ice.



As she stood up and trudged through the pool of wax that was him, she thought of her misdoings; her mistakes; her accidents.

She cried, on that one fateful night in the city.

She knelt down and cried, her eyes burning as she did so.

The pain she felt from the water touching her cold skin, freezing upon contact, was a pain which would not be expressed by oral noises.



So now she stands, still in the cold.

Waiting to again be lit, to burn once more.

In the dark of an alleyway, deep in the bowels of the dumpster, She and her love sat.

Waiting to be reunited in life, to be brought back together.

Just to do it all again. An endless cycle of pain, grief, and love.



But then again, isn’t that just what love is?

Pain, beauty, and grief?





---------------------------------------------------------------

11:59 pm July 7th 2023

We are who we shun,
From our own actions we run.
Burn down others for partaking in our sins,
The one who hides is the one who wins.
No more truth and only lies,
For the honest one is the one who dies.
We know we all did the crime,
But only the truthful serve the time.
So hold onto and run from your beliefs,
Your hypocrisy is one of your reliefs.
Gun them down but not you too,
Only you deserve the right to begin anew.
Yell and scream at the crowd where you fit in,
For you know your mistakes are forgivable while all of theirs are sin.

Aaliyah

Took them risks for you had to risk it all for you all my eggs in your basket deep in your
Guts trying touch your heart plan B’s on the drawer, gurl, risking it all, baby. I’m supposed to be at the house on the phone with my girl, but you called saying come over, let’s match
For you to be naked at the door
Fake putting clothes on, rolling up
Laughing at me for not looking
Ambush me with questions about sex
Asking what would I do if one my home girls asked to suck my dick replied only thing to do after that cause now I want to make you come again & again. You laughed. Oh yeah, so make me come right
Now we here in these pages going down memory lane fucking all night till the sunrise Lor baby probably thinking she got get back fucking on that bogus ass nigga I’m fucking nothing but tens baby it’s something about
Aaliyah her smiling
spitting all her juices in her mouth, hand on her throat choking her till
She turn red as a Tamale turn the lights on. Want to see your body covered in oil? Throw it in a circle love it when you unleash your wild side, me, you & Hennessey. Nobody needs to know one phone call. I’m rushing to you like
emergency services glad shorty tricked herself out of her spot cause your loving out this world
I Love you Aaliyah I’m so in love can’t nobody have my heart but you I belong all too you hope you don’t end up in the files with the rest of my ex lovers know we’ll be okay see something real in your eyes baby I love me some you can’t get enough of you
Baby I’m on my way too you right now miss your kisses be naked at the door like the first time

Yours truly

‎برينتون نيكولاسي.

Lately I see you
In strange dreams
Skirt wet with morning dew
And torn at the seams

You stand at my door
Body reeking of early rot
Silently reminding what I swore
Nose dripping blood and snot

You make me promise it
Like I did last year
As your skin begins to split
Decaying, as I hold you dear