I worked until dinner time rolled around. Luckily all I had todo was heat up some left overs from yesterday. After I ate there was noting else left to do. Since I wasn’t in the mood to watch TV I grabbed my kindle and took a hot bubble bath. I soaked and read. This is just what I needed. Time for myself to just unwind and relax. 

When I got out I felt better than I had in the last couple of days. I felt refreshed. As relaxed as I was I wasn’t ready for bed yet. I went back to reading to help me fall asleep. I only got one chapter in before my phone buzzed with a text.

Mike: You still up?

Kristina: Yep, what’s up?

Mike: Guess who’s back in town?

Kristina: Um Idk, I give up. Who?

Mike: Jenna

Kristina: Oh that’s awesome. I bet you’re ecstatic.

Mike: You have no idea.

Kristina: I’ve missed her too. How are her parents?

Mike: That’s what I want to talk to you and dad about. Can you meet us for lunch tomorrow?

Kristina: Sure. Is everything okay?

Mike: Yeah, I’ll explain it all tomorrow.

Kristina: Okay. See you then

Mike: Night kiddo

Kristina: Night

I was so happy for Mike. He and Jenna have been together for the past five years and I I know he had wanted to propose to her. But about three months ago her father had fallen ill and she went to see him and help out for a while. While we all knew he understood it didn’t stop him from missing her. I think deep down he was worried that she wasn’t going to come back. 

He never said as much. In fact he never talked about it. I could see it on his face though. I saw it every time he would check his phone and hadn’t heard from her at the time. Then his face would light up, though he’d try to hide it, when he did hear from her. 

The next morning I awoke from a restless sleep. I know it was because I was worried about what Mike had to say. When I checked the time it was nearly eleven thirty. “Shit.” I cursed myself. I slept in way too late. I need to call Mike to apologize for running late. “Hey, sis, what’s up?”

“What time were we meeting for lunch?”

“I was thinking twelve thirty. Jenna didn’t really want to get up before eleven.”

“Oh thank god. I was feeling like the worlds worst sister. I just woke up myself.”

“Kris, I would never call you the worst sister at all, ever. Worst case scenario I would have just changed what time we meet up.”

“Still I would have felt terrible. How’s Jenna doing anyway?”

“She’s doing good. She can’t wait to see you and dad.”

“I can’t wait to see her. Well, I’m going to go take a shower then get ready to head out.”

“Okay, see ya soon sis.”

“See ya soon.”

I hung up and took a quick shower. By time I got out, dried my and and got ready it was time to head out. I walked to our usual place. The little cafe around the corner. When I got there they were already seated at a table in the back. I didn’t waste anymore time walking up to the table to greet everyone.

“Hello, darling.” My dad was the first.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey, sis, she you had nothing to worry about.”

“Hey, Mike. Yeah I know.”

Then Jenna pulled me into a big hug. “Hey, Kris. How have you been? I hear you’re seeing someone. I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m good. Yeah, it’s still new.” I looked at Mike with a glower. “How are you?”

“I’m doing okay.”

“How are your parents?”

“Mom is doing good. Dad is hanging in there.”

We all sat down and ordered lunch. I opted for a club sandwich and fries this time.

“So what is it that the two of you have to tell us?” My dad was always one to get right to the point. I’m surprised he even waited till our food came.

“Well…” Mike started first. “As you know Jenna’s dad has been very sick for some time now. We’ve been talking a lot the last couple of weeks and his health has not been getting any better. In fact the doctors don’t think he has much time left. So after much thought and a lot of discussion we decided we don’t want to wait any more. We’re going to get married. We want to have a small intimate ceremony and soon, while her father is still with us. We wanted to get married anyway and the only difference would be no engagement.”

“I couldn’t agree more with the two of you. We can have a ceremony whenever you two want.”

“Absolutely, I’m so happy that you will be my sister soon. But I am sorry to hear about your dad.”

“Thank you guys. This means a lot to the both of us. I’m looking forward to having you as a sister as well. Though I think I’ve thought of you as one from the beginning.”

“Me too. We need to celebrate.”

Just then my phone buzzed with a text.

Nathan: Hey, beautiful. I just wanted to see how you slept and tell you that I miss you.

Kristina: Hey handsome. I slept ok. I hope you did. I miss you too.

Nathan: Handsome, huh?

Kristina: Shut up. You know you are.

Nathan: I still love when you say it. What are you up to right now?

Kristina: Just finishing up lunch with dad, Mike and his fiancé Jenna.

Nathan: That sounds nice. I’ll let you get back to your family. See you tonight.

I put my phone away. “Sorry guys. I know that is rude but if I didn’t answer next would have been a call and if I didn’t answer that he would have stopped by.”

“No need to apologize sweetheart.” My dad who normally had a no phones policy at the table was more relaxed about it now.

“Definitely, don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like to be in love. It’s good to see that you found someone who makes you as happy as Mike makes me.”

“Love? Oh no, this isn’t love. We’ve only just stared seeing each other. It’s too soon for that.”

“Nonsense. When you know you know. And I can see it all over your face. You just need to accept that it’s okay. You’ve been through hell and your afraid to feel anything that strong for anyone just yet. Just open yourself up to it and let it in.”

“Thank you Dr. Jenna.” I said with a roll of my eyes. I hate when she decides to analyze me. “I’m not one of your patience. You don’t need to pick me apart and analyze me. Really I’m good.”

“I’m just trying to help. Are you still going to therapy?”

Shit I should have known this would come up at some point. I really didn’t want to discuss this right now. If I admit I stopped going I’d get a lecture from all of them. If I lie and say I’m still going she’ll see it on my face. “I have to go. I have a ton of work to catch up on. It was great catching up. Congrats you two. Keep me posted on the plans.”

I got up to walk out. “Kris, avoidance is not the answer.”

“Bye Jenna. I’ll see you soon.” I walked out and headed home. 

The light and happy mood I was feeling earlier has vanished. Now all I wanted to do was go home and vegetate for the remainder of the day. I wasn’t even in the mood to go out to dinner tonight.

When I got home Nick was inside waiting for me. “Who called you?”

He sighed. “Mike, what happened?”

“Jenna found out about Nathan of course. And well, long story short she started analyzing me and what I was thinking and feeling. I called her on it and she brought up therapy.”

“So you avoided and bailed.”

“No, I was done with conversation and headed home to work.”

“No, you avoided and bailed.”

I just walked right passed him into my bedroom. I changed into sweats and crawled into bed. If I went back out there it’ll be more of the same. He’s not going to let it go either. 

I felt the bed dip and knew he came in and sat at the edge of the bed. “Talk to me baby girl. What’s up?”

I let out a deep breath. “When will everyone stop trying to control my life?”

“Nobody is trying to do that.”

“Yes they are. They all know what’s best for me. What I should and should not be doing. I’m over it all.”

“We all just care about you.”

“I know. But it gets suffocating. I just want to be alone for a while.”

“I’ll leave you to rest but I’m not leaving you alone in the apartment. Take a nap and I’ll get you up when it’s time to get ready.”

I just turned over and closed my eyes. 

Was 

I woke up and check my phone to see what time it was. Seeing that it was four I figured I might as well stay up but I wasn’t getting out of bed. Then I noticed the half a dozen calls and almost as many text messages from Nathan. I couldn’t even bring myself to care to respond back right now.

Just then Nick walked into my room. “I was going to wake you but since I don’t have to we need to talk.”

He didn’t look happy at all. “What about?”

“You stoped going to therapy?” He seethed. 

“How would you know that?”

“You’re dad found out and called me. You lied to me. You lied to all of us. How long?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Your damn right I do.”

“Abut the last four or five months.”

“Wow, Kristina.”

“Don’t wow, Kristina me. That was my choice to make. And mine alone. This is exactly what I was talking about.”

“Yeah well, do you remember what happened the last time you stopped going?”

“Yes and I don’t’ need a reminder.”

“I think you do.” He yelled. “I was the one who found you. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. This isn’t the same.”

“Well, after finding you unconscious on the floor with a bottle of pills in your system I’m not going to take your word for it.”

I walked out of the bedroom screaming back at him. “Are we going to keep bringing this shit up? It’s the past. I’m not going to…”

“Kristina.” I turned around to see a dark and angry Nathan standing in my living room.

“Nathan.”

“What the hell did I just hear?”

“What are you doing here?”

“We had dinner plans. I tried to text you and call you but got no response. I got worried and rushed over here. I’m glad I did. Care to explain?”

“There’s nothing to explain.”

“I disagree. I heard what the two of you were screaming about and I have to say I share Nick’s concerns.”

“They are unfounded.”

“I don’t think so. I’m also guessing that since you aren’t’ even dressed that you planned on canceling our plans.”

“I fell asleep and just woke up. But I will admit I don’t feel much like going out tonight.”

“Fair enough. We can stay in. I’d like to talk about this anyway.”

Nick chose then to speak up. “You never told him? Kris, he has a right to know.”

“She told me about the scars on her arm but never mentioned the pill.”

“Separate events.” Nick added. 

“Nick, I understand you are her best friend and you are concerned but I’d like to be alone with Kristina so we can talk if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, maybe you can convince her to go back to therapy. Kris, please call or text me later.”

“Yeah.” Was all I could say. Soon after I heard the front door open and close.

If we were going to have this talk then I was going to need a stiff drink. I poured myself a drink as Nathan started the conversation. “So tell me what happened that day.”

I turned around to look at him forgetting I still had the drink in my hand. “It was a long time…”

He walked over and grabbed the drink from me and dumped it. “No, I’m not letting you go down that road.”

“I need that.”

“No you don’t.” He pulled me over to the couch. “Now sit and let’s talk.”

I took a deep breath. “It was a long time ago.”

“What happened?”

“It was after Eli’s trial. He was found guilty and I thought I would feel relieved. I thought it was all over and I could move on. So after another month of therapy and I was feeling better or I thought I was. I didn’t see the need to continue. One day all the memories just came flooding back and I just lost it. I couldn’t handle them and I was too embarrassed to say something and ask for help. Eventually it just got to be too much.”

“Baby, you should never feel embarrassed about needing help. After all you went through it’s normal.”

“I know. I do. When I woke up in the hospital after they had to pump my stomach it really hit me what I had done and what could have happened. This time they wouldn’t release me until I completed enough hours with their shrink then I had to agree to see one once I got out. My dad found one and I was seeing him for a while but it started to feel like I was just going through the motions and I wasn’t getting anything out of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Maybe they could have helped you find someone else.”

“I think I was tired of going. I was tired of being broken.”

“Oh, baby, you’re not broken.”

“Yes I am. And nobody can fix me.”

“You’re wrong. And you have me now. And I’m going to find you a new therapist and you are going to go. No arguments.”

“You really don’t need to do that. I’m fine really.”

“Um, yes I do. And we all know what fine means. I could tell from the day we met that there was something eating at you. I’m glad you told me everything. This way I can help you to heal.”

“Can I think about it?”

“You can think about it all you want. That doesn’t change the outcome. You are going.”

I choose to change the subject. “Can we stay in tonight? I don’t feel much like being in public right now.”

“Of course. Anything you want.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. I’ll do anything to make you happy. Except that.” It’s always like he can read my mind. “So, how is Mike and your dad?”

“They’re good. Mike and his fiancé are actually planning a small wedding soon because her fathers health isn’t doing good so they don’t want to wait.”

“I don’t blame them. I’d do the same thing.”

“I just hope I didn’t ruin their joy after all of this.”

“They love you so much I’m sure all is good. Just call them tomorrow and talk to them.”

“You’re right. I feel like a shitty daughter and sister.”

“I highly doubt they see it that way.”

“Me too. I just can’t help it.”

“I’ve noticed. That reminds me. Name something you like about yourself.”

I froze on the spot. He chooses now? After all of this shit that has happened today? How can I possibly come up with something. I’m filled with more self doubt then I have been in a while.

“You’re overthinking it. It’s suppose to be the first thing that comes to your mind. Now go.”

“I’m not coming up with anything today. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. This is for you not me. We’ll keep working in it. In the meantime I’m going to order us some food.”

“Sure, sounds good.”

The next day Nathan called to let me know he found a new therapist for me. He made an appointment for the next day and there was to be no arguments about it. I also took his advice and called Mike and my dad and apologized to everyone one. Especially Jenna. She didn’t deserve that and she has enough going on. 

My next call was to Nick but the more I thought about it the more I knew I needed to do this in person.

Kristina: You busy?

Nick: For you? Never. You know that. What’s up?

Kristina: I wanted to know if you could come over so we could talk.

Nick: Sure, I’ll be there in just a few.

I was a shitty friend yesterday and I feel really bad. It took Nick less than fifteen minutes to arrive. 

“Okay, baby girl, what’s up”

“I wanted to apologize. And not just for yesterday. For lying as well. I know it shitty to do and I shouldn’t have.”

“Don’t worry about yesterday. That’s water under the bridge. Though I will say it stung when I found out you lied. It hurt when you thought you couldn’t tell me.”

“I knew what you would have said.”

“And you also know I wouldn’t have just stood by and let you make that choice.”

“Exactly. And it was my choice to make. Nobody else’s.”

“You still should have come to one of us. But finding out like that scared the shit out of me. It took me back to that day.”

“Yeah and I understand. I’m working on it.”

“I know. So how did it go with Nathan last night after I left?”

“I told him everything. He was so angry when he knew I kept something that substantial from him.”

“I don’t blame him. What did he say?”

“I honestly don’t blame him either. Though I did try to. And I know you are going to say I was projecting. But he is forcing me back into therapy. He actually called me earlier to let me know he found someone and is taking me tomorrow.”

“Good, I like him. He’s good for you. Does your dad know yet?”

“Yeah, I had already called everyone and apologized and let them know.”

“I’m glad I don’t have to kick your ass now.”

“Like you could.” We both got a laugh out of that and relaxed with the lighter mood.

The next day Nathan picked me up around one for my appointment. “You know you didn’t have to bring me, right?”

“Yes I did. Sorry but I won’t take any chances with how reluctant you have been to going.”

I couldn’t blame him. “Looks like I’m going to have to earn everyone’s trust back.”

“Maybe just a little.” The car stopped as we arrived at an office building. “We’re here. His name is Eric and he comes highly recommended. I think you’ll like him.”

“We’ll see.” We got out and headed inside. 

The receptionist greeted us right away. “You must be Kristina and Nathan. Welcome. Eric will be right out.”

He didn’t make us wait long like most doctors did. “Hello Kristina. I’m Eric. It’s nice to meet you. Why don’t we head back to my office and talk. Mr. Black at least for the first session I feel it’s best its just the two of us. We need to get aquatinted with each other.”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting right here when you’re done.”

Here goes nothing. I remained quiet as we headed back.