The girl I once loved
Was the most beautiful of all,
With a radiant smile, and the kindest soul.

The girl I once loved
Had dark brown hair and big doe eyes,
Her soulful voice, her smile so wide.
She was as an angel in human disguise.

She was the person I looked up to,
Someone with whom I’d forever want to be.
We grew up together, a promise of ’forever after’
Shared stories and laughter.

The girl I once loved
Was the most beautiful of all,
With the kindest soul,
And a radiant smile to recall.

To the girl I once loved so dear,
I wish I could convey how much I hold you near.
In my heart, you meant the world to me,
All the things that made you perfect that you couldn’t see.

I wish you could see through my eyes,
Feel what I felt, no disguise.
To the girl I once loved dearly,
I hope to see your smile, sincerely.

To you, my dear love,
With the prettiest smile from above,
My first love, my life,
I hope you’ll smile again in time.

To you, my dear, my life’s treasure,
My love for you, no one can measure.
The world may not understand, but let them be,
Your happiness is everything I need to live.

To you, my dear, so pure,
The girl I still adore,
May you find happiness again.

Turning the pages of my worn-out book,
Mind drifting, floating somewhere, suddenly shook,
Headfirst to the ground, I fell, surprised,
When scribbles from back then caught my eyes,
In small letters written ”Hey I’m bored”
”Hey bored focus on the board”
A smile crept on my lips reminiscing of those times,
Yet strangely no warmth I find inside.

Stealing glances at you was my habit,
Praying not to get caught, I must admit,
How I miss those days, when on your face the sun would shine,
Admiring you from beside, hoping you’d be mine,
Turning my eyes away when you looked my way,
I knew it would end someday,
But unprepared I was, it took me a while,
To sit beside an empty seat, not seeing your smile,
Without the sun painting your face with its light,
I wasn’t ready to bid you goodbye, not quite.

As morning dawned, tears welled in your eyes,
You were moving far away from this tiny countryside,
I didn’t cry, said it would be fine,
But deep down, I knew it wouldn’t, I just lied.
Plans to meet made, promises to call,
But distance and time took their toll,
I am left alone in this small, familiar place,
Everything’s the same, but you’re not here to embrace,
Weirdly it feels like I’ve lost a part of me,
Regrets of what-ifs cling, tormenting me,
If only I had expressed what I felt and not been scared and slow,
Maybe it would have been easier for me to let go,
And live without these unreturned feelings that only grow.

I liked you years ago and I still do even now,
And I fear falling for another, my heart won’t allow.


P. S. It’s supposed be a story, I’m lazy that’s why I just made it into a poem...

Dear Mr Scammer,

Why you gotta be so fake?
Why you not a real person?
Why you wriggle like a snake?
Why you gotta take the words I write
And turn them into cash?
Why a lotta folks I know would like to kick you in your—

Ash and charcoal cinders
Mark and make the page with pitch,
But you hide behind the DMs
Like a sneaky little snitch.
Which is really most annoying,
What is ‘real’ breaks at the seams.
Why you gotta be decoying?
Why you toying with my dreams?

Why you gotta make up stories
‘Bout the contacts that you know?
Why you trawling categories
Like a keyword-trolling ho?
If you wanna make up fiction
Write some books or pen some verse,
Why you gotta bring such friction
Every time that you converse?

Lastly Mr Scammer
There’s one thing I’d like to know
When you look into the mirror,
When you’re really all alone:
Does this outreaching of pretense
Make you feel like a success?
Piggybacking at the expense
Of the creative process?

Do you ever stare and wonder,
Do you ever deconstruct,
Why so many writers send you
Words that rhyme with ‘debt’ and ‘ducked’?
Cos while you’re busy scamming
We hack keys that you forsook,
Factor that into your spamming,

Yours sincerely,
Neobook

Спи, моё беспокойство,
острые плечи спрятав.
Руки пусть ломким хворостом
на перелеске мятом

мхом прорастают бархатным,
новым ростком брусники.
Падай, родное, замертво,
под колыбельной крики.

Дышит-трещит валежник,
это леса пророчество
несёт, спеша к тебе, Леший.
Станешь ему дочерью.

Come on take me
to your Neverland.
Show me how you
always understand.
I feel like I will
get lost in your eyes.
You can make me
feel like a butterfly.
I don’t know why
you can say goodbye.
I won’t let you
ever ever cry.
I can touch and see
your face in the sand.
I know you will
always give me a hand.

(DISCLAIMER! This is disturbing, but I promise you this is just a POEM! Nothing more)


That bottomless pain in my heart only caves in deeper as the days pass on
I feel like I’m drowning in my grief—
thick and sickening
Whenever I look at my reflection
my emotions slip away and I curse myself
My heart crumbles to dust
I want to break every mirror I see,
I never want to see the girl looking back at me ever again
I want to tear her apart
What happened to her?
I hate her so much,
this girl
I wish she never screwed her life up as she had
She makes me want to scream
and crumple to the ground
and die
Why do I have to see that girl
whenever I see a reflection?
What have I turned into?
What am I doing?
I hate that girl in the mirror
looking back at me
I wish she would disappear
I want her to die
and never come back
I’m drowning and I can’t. . .
I just can’t anymore
I never want to see her again
Just die already,
girl in the mirror,
whose eyes are full of pain
without a tear to drop
Just die

You told me to change
Said I wasn’t enough
You needed someone
to make you proud

You told me to be someone
I wasn’t
Indirectly urged me to lose myself
So I did

Now you’re asking me why
I’m not the same
Claiming it’s not how I was
supposed to be

Now you’re asking me why
I have changed
Tell me, what am I
supposed to do?

I listened to your words
with no choice
Did all you asked
Believing all was for the best
Believing your every lie

I did everything you wanted
Tried my best to meet your standards
Striving to be that child
who’d make you proud

But it seems as though I’ve failed
As if all I did is in vain
Because you’re still not satisfied
But I lost myself in the trying
Tell me, what am I
supposed to do now?

I did everything
Didn’t play with other kids
Tried my best to avoid foolishness
Worked to be someone
I wasn’t

I did my best to meet your standards
To live your dreams
To live as you wanted
Thinking of you as family
You were the only one for me

Now I don’t know
what I’m supposed to be
I don’t even recognize
me

You told me, so I did
Everything
But you’re still not satisfied
Now I don’t know why I even tried

I wish I could say how it really felt,
To be trapped in a mind which I can’t help.
It changes daily and I can’t be free,
To see your emotion and how much you mean to me.

I know I’m different but it’s not okay,
I’m bound to be bullied and I have no say.
I made a few mistakes and I regret it nightly,
But I still tell those haters to come and fight me.

I can’t see what you see, you should be proud,
For me it’s either too bright, too loud, or two’s a crowd.
It hurts the brain so I keep eyes shut,
Dreaming of escape and shouting out ‘fuck.’

You scream and shout but I don’t understand,
I just need some help and to hold his hand.
It makes me a mess for people approaching me with caution,
Trying to mask the heat of exhaustion.

Music is an escape for all that’s unworthy,
No one to talk, but that’s good for me.
I relish to be alone so I don’t hurt others,
Just sitting in a book or hiding under covers.

I’m always ashamed at what I’ve become,
Though others protest it could be fun.
We laugh and play at the irony of it all,
Making fun of being too tall.

Please just listen for you’re all I know,
I dream too much for reality to flow.
But although I’m trapped in a forever prison,
I’m still here and I have Autism.

Black pearls and your eyes,
Something that I saw just once.
You didn’t say the word,
But maybe I understand.
A half moon in the sky -
I remember the flowers you like.
I said I never loved,
But I lied all along..

10 missed calls from my broken heart.
I taste depressing now -
I wish I answered to the girl at sixteen.
Oh it’s burning everywhere as I drench in the same nightmare.
Half hearts at midnight - but do you still care?

~ ᗪEE ♡

Thanks a lot for reading! 💕

A person doesn’t live alone
They die
By living with someone
Who doesn’t care about them,
Who is with them for selfish reasons only
They get suffocated
By becoming a second choice always
By feeling that
They’ll never be someone’s priority
They suffer

How are they alive
Didn’t the loneliness kill them?
Didn’t they shatter into thousands of pieces upon being used?
Didn’t they feel like dieing
Upon becoming just a backup?

And their smile
Yes the same smile which everyone finds very lovely
The same smile no one is there to protect
How is it still there?

Who will explain people
Corpse also walk
How can someone look shattered
When they are broken from inside
Not every smile reaches the eyes
The tears in one’s eyes aren’t shown.

PS: Never make someone feel they deserve to be a second option only, not a priority
Never expect a person to come and tell you their pain easily,
if they could they wouldn’t be broken
Never ignore the signs, giving hints is the most a person suffering can do
Never let the person willing to die reach the level of attempting once
they won’t stop till they succeed.

HINDI VERSION:

Insaan akele jeeta nahi,
Marta hai
Kisi aise ke saath rehne se
Jisko uski kadar nahi,
Jo bas matlab ke liye saath hai
Ghutan hoti hai
Humesha second choice bane reh jane se
Yeh ehsaas hone se ki
Kabhi woh kisiki priority na banega
Takleef hoti hai

Na jaane kaise zinda hai woh
Kya akelapan use kha nahi gaya?
Kya istemaal hone ke baad uske hazaaron tukade nahi ho gaye?
Kya kewal ek backup banne se
Mar jaane ka man nahi kar gaya?

Aur uski hasi
Ha wahi hasi jo sabko pyaari lagti hai
Wahi hasi jiski hifaazat karne wala nahi
Kaise hai barkarar?

Kaun samajhaye logo ko
Laashein bhi chalti hai
Kaise bikhra hua dikhe woh
Jo andar se toota hai
Har hasi aankho tak nahi pahuchti
Aankho ki nami dikhayi nahi jaati.

I live for peace...
Horror is what I see in people’s faces
The more I hid my emotions
The more revealing it shows
My power is nothing because I don’t have it,
I’m enslaved, powerless and weak
I need help.

Help is only from God,
I think of a way to be free
But to no avail.
They’re so inhumane
I call them animals, everyday is like hell,
What way could I avenge myself and the humanity?

The torturous world I’m living in never cease for a moment,
I always wished that death was the best,
I still don’t know how to fight for my right,
But I always hope that my descendants will,
I hope the better future for them,
Oh Lord of the heavens protect me, my family and your believing slaves.

The sun shines with its full brightness,
It was the warmest day,
I miss my family like the distance from the earth to the outer space,
I love them like the garden of bright flowers glittering with eternity,
Oh how I wish the time could be turned once.

Oh earth why am I still on you?
Oh sun you are the most precious, I badly want to see you,
I’m chained in the darkest dome of a valley!
Just darkness is my everything for a twenty years now.

Never had I step foot outside the dome,
I worked overnight and only slept for an hour,
Just a living of a hell,
The people doesn’t care, so vicious and violent.

I speak from the bottom of my heart,
I’m already in danger,
I’m sad and angry.
But still,

I’m grateful to God,
He helps his servants in the most unpredictable way,
Though of how I’m traumatised,
He helped me by making me work every night,
It was the easiest of the tasks,
The morning shift suffers much,
But pain is pain.

I wonder,
But will wonders end?
The end of war isn’t stopping,
It is invading the world,
Once in my life, I was rich.

A very grateful one,
I always stand by the poor,
But unfortunately I was framed and brought to this place,
What a turns in life!

This life is like playing a game,
Where there is a winner and a looser,
And whereby a looser can become a winner and vice versa,
So let’s play this game together so that we can find it’s missing treasure,
That treasure is worth the earth.

Trust it is,
Can money buy it?
Can the universe destroy it?
We long for those with trust,
But everything is like a torn sheets of paper,
The world is breaking.

What would amend it,
I hope for the better reasons,
The leadership of today is a mess,
Why can’t the world find peace?

Racism is the biggest threat,
Devil has threatened the minds of the world,
Whilst he rejoices,
We are in chaos, fighting our own.

I pray for peace and unity,
I hope the world understand,
Understand the main priority,
Living is what matters,
Help your Community Oh Leaders!!!

The world needs you, we’re suffering!
The poor live in fear,
Afraid that he might not live for tomorrow,
He cried out his heart!

But will help come to him?
I hope it does,
The night is like the peace he needs,
The day is like fire, burning him of stress.

My mission doesn’t end here,
I hope I get out soon,
I also live in fear, but with tranquility,
And that’s the best decision to be ever made.

I want to travel around the world,
Show them what the inside of the world is,
Guide them to find serenity and where it lies,
Guide them to see what they are destroying,
Humanity can’t be lost!

I am a slave,
A prominent one,
My cries regardless of no hope,

This day might be the end of me seeing tomorrow,
I feel much weaker and;
I extend my goodbyes to the world!!

©All rights reserved
©2021

”Step up in front of the class!”
”Describe yourself with one word”
”No inappropriate choices or phrases, don’t make it absurd!”

I curse myself seeing she picks me first
My classmates were now immersed, in my next move
I disapprove, of the laughing I hear from the back of the room
With my hands shaking, I utter ”Failure”

The teacher glances
But I’ve been on my best behavior

The laughing grows louder
The teacher scolds, how her, choice
Of words created a riot
And made the kids anything but quiet

”No, let me explain!”
”Please sit down, we don’t have all day.”
The cycle of failure continues to replay

Soft-spoken
Not profane
Another argument I must refrain,

From sharing my thoughts
Calling the shots
Hoping my stance comes clear
And that my respect isn’t seen as mere

Once I step up,
To the conversation
I can already feel the agitation

”I disagree with this”
”I disagree with that”
Could you even hear each other’s perspective?
We’re getting off track!

Combative is the spirit
Being heard is the goal
If you refuse to listen, the purpose is gone as a whole

So I ask you
The one with malice in their eyes,
Why did I even try?

’Cause I don’t like to see you cry,
I don’t want to say goodbye.
Just promise me that you’ll smile,
Everytime you say goodnight.

I’ll look into your eye,
And promise to always try.
Whenever you say Hi,
My day becomes bright.
I’ll chase down the light,
And forever bring it to your sight.

Just promise me that you’ll smile,
Everytime you say goodnight.
’Cause you light up my every night,
I hope I always stay in your sight.

I used to hear melodies in the rushes of the wind
I used to see meaning in the night sky
I used to seak comfort in my own mind
but the poet in me has died

Everywhere I went I heard a song
Everywhere I looked, there I saw colour
Everywhere I was there was a muse
but the poet in me has died

My heart would constantly desire
the freedom of a pencil stroke and a thought
My mind would work at one with my heart
but the poet in me has died

Now I lost part of my world
what once was the melody of the wind
is now just a cold breeze
what once was a song of the past
is now just a nostalgic memory
all because the poet in me has died

The fragrance of my childhood
Hides in the folds of your embrace.
You were warm, like the sun’s rays,
Whenever I needed you, you were there.
I thought our relationship would always stay that way.

I loved you so much, and I expected you to do the same,
But with time, our relationship got tainted,
And our love for each other slowly faded.
With passing years, the distance grew between us.

It’s not like I don’t love you anymore,
I still do as much as before,
And I know you love me too,
But it does not feel the same anymore.

You are here, but when I look for you,
I just cannot find you anywhere.
Even though the world left me behind,
I hoped you would be with me through time.

In the fragments of my childhood,
All the love you gave me, I still remember,
But all the times you looked at me with contempt, I still remember.
My love for you is still there,
Your love for me is still here.

But our relationship is not like before,
Even though we are so close by,
It feels like we are countries apart.
I can’t feel your warmth anymore,
All the good memories of you are here,
You too are here, but it’s not like before.

In the fragments of my childhood,
All the love you gave me, I still remember,
In those fragments, I remember how
You used to smile and look at me with love.
In your embrace, I felt all the warmth.
You were there for me whenever I cried,
And when I needed you, you appeared right before my eyes.

But now that I am older, things have changed.
As I look at you, I don’t feel the same,
You’re still as before, but we are not anymore.
People say, with time, relationships change, and I guess that’s true.
What we have now is hard to believe, describe.

In the fragments of my childhood,
All the love you gave me, I still remember,
How you looked at me lovingly, I still reminisce and smile.
But I still remember how you gazed at me as if I were something filthy.

In those fragments of my childhood,
I still remember that young child who used to be happy.
And loved their mother dearly; they still do,
But it’s not the same anymore.
It’s all just confined to those fragments,
And those fragments are slowly fading away,
Like those dreams that fade over time.

In the fragments of my childhood,
All the love you gave me, I still remember,
All the times you smiled at me lovingly, I still remember.
But just like a dream, it doesn’t feel real anymore.

Would you be scared?
If you saw me jump off a bridge.
Would you run and try to save me or stand there and watch?
Would you be scared?
If you saw me drawing red lines on myself with a knife.
Would you hide and watch or tell me to stop?
Would you be scared?
If you saw a group of guys trying to take advantage of me.
Would you stand there and watch or try to tell them to stop?
Would you be scared?
If you saw me trying to hang myself.
Would you just peek through the door and watch me suffocate or save my life?
Would you be scared?
If you found me dead in the woods.
Would you walk away from my body or tell people you found me?
No sorry, The real question is,
Would you save me?

You tell me you love me yet you can’t answer me.

Would you save my life?
If you saw a group of guys beating me up
Would you run up and tell them to stop or stand there in watch?
Would you call me a punk?
If I told you these girls took advantage of me.
Would I still be your #1?
Would you be there for me?
If you saw me crying alone?

Yes.

There’s a difference between you and me.
I never told you ”I loved you” yet I still try to show it.
But you, you just say that you love me. Yet you never show it.

Life is a garden and aren’t we all flowers?
flowers of all colors and scent, some beautiful and some ugly yet unique in its own way.
If life is pointless, then why are we here?
Maybe we are here for the creator’s entertainment.
If that is so, I won’t force myself to like anything neither would I force myself to hate anything.

When you look in my eyes and tell me I’m beautiful.
Will you do the same in front of your friends at all costs?

Will I still be the one you want when the world is watching?
Will you still hold me when your ex’s parents walk in?

Tell me I’m in all your dreams,
Tell me I’m the reason you breathe.

Will you do it in front of everyone and when there’s no one?

I think about it too often.
But will I be the one when everyone and no one is watching?

Will I still be your prize when I’m close to fifty nine?
Will you tell your friends that I’m your life?

Will I be enough for you, with the blinds closed and in front of judging eyes?
In front of strangers, will you say that you never need to see the northern lights because you are holding the sight?

Will I be enough for you when everyone and no one is watching?

When your hurt, will you call on my name on the edge of time?
Will you do the same when your family stay the night?

Will I be enough for you when everyone and no one is watching?

𝑰’𝒎 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒊𝒍𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒙,
𝑼𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒆.
𝑷𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒔
𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.

𝑴𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚.
𝑶𝒉, 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉.
𝒀𝒆𝒕 𝑰’𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆,
𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒖𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔.

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆,
𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒕.
𝑳𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓, 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆
”𝒎𝒆” 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆.
𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒏𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉.

~ ᴅᴇᴇ 🥀

© ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ✨

~ 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 🌸 ~

𝘐𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘖𝘸𝘯𝘦𝘳

In the moonlit sky, our love takes flight,
A symphony of hearts, shining bright.
Across the stars, our souls entwine,
A love so deep, so truly divine.

Your eyes, like diamonds, sparkle with grace,
Reflecting love’s light upon my face.
In every touch, I feel the fire ignite,
Burning desire, passion’s endless flight.

Your gentle whispers, a sweet melody,
Captivating my heart, setting it free.
In every word, a love story is told,
A tale of two hearts, forever bold.

Together we dance, in an eternal embrace,
Two souls intertwined, finding solace.
In your arms, I find my sanctuary,
A love so pure, a beautiful sanctuary.

Through the storms of life, we’ll never break,
Bound by a love that nothing can shake.
In your presence, I find strength and peace,
A love that’s timeless, it will never cease.

So here’s my heart, offered in this verse,
A love that’s boundless, an eternal curse.
Forever entwined, our spirits aligned,
In this love poem, our love defined.

Being Caitlyn made me happy...but not really...
I was an adored sister, loved by willow, heather, jade\finn. but I was loved. yet people shit on me in every way possible.
”yOu’Re FaKiNg It”
”WhY wOuLd I lIkE a FaG?” (I don’t know? why would anyone like your gremlin looking ass?”
”Fucking kill yourself.”
Fine. if that’s what you want I will.

When I take a step ahead,
you force me to retreat two steps back.
Just as I sense us getting close,
you prove me wrong each time.
However, like a fool, I fall for your crafted illusion every time.

The words, like a lump in my throat, cling.
When I muster courage at last,
you make me bite my tongue and regret everything.
Unsaid words consume my mind,
eat me alive, roam freely, haunting the night.

As I attempt to crawl back from the edge,
you plunge me back deeper into the abyss.
To the world’s end, you drag me,
refusing to release me from your claws.
You’re the tunnel that surrounds me, making me devoid of light,
engulfing me in your shadow,
making me suffocated is all you do,
yet I still can’t unlove you.

I fear what I may become,
I fear I’ll never be enough.
And I’m afraid I love you so deeply,
so your pain becomes mine, it’s such a pity.
I know it’s wrong to feel hurt over your misery,
it’s your life, you choose this path of misery,
So don’t pull me along in your despair.
It’s wrong, you know, yet you still do.
I want to hate you,
but I still can’t unlove you.

I’m tracing your footsteps,
your shadow cast over me,
anxiously fearing someday I’ll become the one I hate.
So, I want to escape
from your shadow and your name.
But unfortunately, we’re bound by the same fate,
the same thread tied around our necks.
I can only run but can’t hide away
from the fate and the shadow that we share.

P.S. I think the picture is the most accurate representation for this poem...

What is it that makes a true poet?
I’m often sick of the words I speak.
One after another is all as we know it,
All I wanna do is change the fleet.

Blow out the candle and rhyme, rhyme,
That’s all I’m bound to do.
Why can’t I have words that are only mine?
Something that will actually please you.

I hate poetry but can’t stop writing,
It draws me back every day.
I don’t care, I wanna stop fighting,
Where the fuck is my say?

We learn, we lose, then we win big,
But never receive a proper prize.
I ain’t ever heard of a poet gig,
Not appreciated until we dies.

I publish but no one cares or cared,
It’s just escapism for my brain.
All the paper I write on ends up teared,
Nothing to add to my name.

Words can be dry when the ink soaks,
Crisp and black as the fire does dawn.
Talent disappears after a few creative strokes,
All this shit written, will always be torn.

Hi
It’s my birthday
And I’m surprisingly happy
It’s kinda scary

amidst the riders of dark stealing our feelings as they pass by,
i question all the seasons that have ever brushed their faces.
their hands have wrinkled labouring to keep foreheads dry,
yet somehow, the storms always seep out at the wrong places.
i want to speak and know if calm is what really stills their seas,
but masks are mesmerizing so everything is only white or black.
if eyes were nightlights, they’d shine with all the hushed pleas,
and then we would see in them bleeding feet on uneven tracks.

—S.

There is a tale of a man,
They said he killed three.
Pale white, eyes bulging out of tan,
As he was strung up in the tree.

An ancient tree they said,
Spirits talked alike.
Putting him to bed,
Trainers made of Nike.

Strange things happened upon the hill,
They wished it were a form of hope.
But he didn’t take his reality pill,
Strung around him was a necklace of rope.

Then a stranger came to cut,
But alas the rope never broke free.
Like the cry of a dying mutt,
The stranger was no longer nobody.

There were two strung up at midnight,
Spirits howled with more chatter.
Villagers ran at the very sight,
As if possessed by the Mad Hatter.

I myself am not feeling well,
But the story is scary, can’t you see?
I can faintly hear the village bell,
As I’m strung up in the hanging tree.

Just like a passerby, I am
Without knowing where I stand,
Or where I’m meant to go,
I just keep walking, eyes on the road.

I’m not the driver, just along the journey
Weary, alone, in the backseat, waiting
To be taken somewhere far away,
Where I’m meant to be and stay.

Moving forward but with each step, I stray
Faltering, heart racing, wondering if this is the way
Heaviness in every breath I take,
This aimless existence, I can barely stay awake.

Lost, uncertain of the role I’m meant to play,
Seeking an oasis where my soul can stay,
Legs giving up, vision blurred, losing the way,
Feet leading me to distant places astray.

Something’s wrong with my body, it never listens,
Trapped in my mind, in this foreign place, I try to find reason,
Seeking answers to the unknown, but I’m just a passerby
Without a clue or a guide to rely.

There’s no end to this endless journey,
And here I remain, forever a passerby, burning
With the ache in my heart that never departs,
But with faltering steps, I keep moving forward,
For I’m nothing but a passerby,
I’m just a passerby
a passerby...

5/31/24

I want to be like Snow White
with her kindness to the dwarves

I want to be like Cinderella
to have her resilience to go to a ball

I want to be like Aurora
with her beauty and grace

I want to be like Ariel
to be a wild dreamer

I want to be like Belle
with her intelligent mind

I want to be like Jasmine
to possess her boldness not to be any man’s prize

I want to be like Pocahontas
with her determination to be heard

I want to be like Meg
to have her persistence in not being a damsel in distress

I want to be like Mulan
with her strength and bravery

I want to be like Tinker Bell
to have her inventing talents

I want to be like Tiana
with her hard-working resolve

I want to be like Rapunzel
to have her innocent view of the world

I want to be like Merida
with her pure fierceness

I want to be like Anna
to have her powerful ability to love

I want to be like Elsa
with her queenly invincible powers

I want to be like Moana
to pursue her desire for adventure

I want to be like Mirabel
with her ability to accept imperfections

I want to be a Disney princess
because fantasy is better than reality

a/n: who’s your favorite Disney princess? mine’s Belle 💛
also p.s. I was inspired to write this poem by something my bestie alice_nicole said to me

I don’t even know how to begin,
We all thought death was a far away thing.
It was a joy to see how far you’d come,
Hopefully where you are now, there’s a shining sun.

Armed with a wand as the wisest witch,
Cheering on Harry as he caught the snitch.
A story to be told from the wise to the fool,
Most favourable as Professor McGonagall.

Or how about as the Dowager Countess?
Always funny and loved as the best.
Lived life joyful and happy,
Memories engraved at Downton Abbey.

It’s a shame that time cannot be bought,
But we will always have you in our thoughts.
Maggie Smith - a never forgotten name,
Perfect as always, as our Queen and a Dame.

RIP Maggie Smith

Watching the sunset fall,
Awaiting the tranquility of the night
Your eager gaze
Watched them gently come, Into sight
They twinkle once, they twinkle twice
Specks of light before your very eyes
Like falling stars, they glow so bright
Beating their wings as they slowly take flight
A curious little one leaves the rest
It lands in your hair,
An unexpected little guest
The little traveler got tangled in the strands,
Before you rescued it, with your hands
The little creature twitches with fright
You steady it on your fingers, and let it take flight
Slowly, it joins the rest of its friends
And higher up into the sky, they ascend

Come on, come on
Pick up the damn pen
Distil the whole world
Feel like a human again.

In the realm of youth, where dreams took flight,
A treasure trove of memories, shining so bright,
Regret, a gentle whisper that softly sighs,
Longing to rewrite the tale, where innocence lies.

Oh, childhood’s realm, a symphony so grand,
Where laughter danced, a whimsical band,
In joyous abandon, we leaped and we played,
Unfettered hearts, blissfully unaware they’d fade.

But time’s relentless march sweeps us away,
Adolescence’s blooms, petals astray,
Mistakes, they cling, haunting and persist,
As we yearn for chances lost within the mist.

Yet let not regret shroud us in despair,
For echoes of yesterday need not ensnare,
Through wisdom’s lens, let growth arise,
Finding solace in lessons, as the soul reprises.

For childhood, a palette of vibrant hues,
With youthful trials and experiences we choose,
Mistakes, brushstrokes forming imperfect art,
Adding depth, shaping life’s intricate chart.

Though we yearn to mend past transgressions dear,
To rewrite tales, fresh impressions sear,
Forgiveness must bloom deep within the core,
To release the burden regret once bore.

For to be human is to falter and learn,
To grasp the embers from failures’ burn,
Seeking redemption, a chance to ascend,
With humility, our flaws we must transcend.

Childhood’s days, ethereal and fleet,
Yet the soul’s fabric, forever complete,
With gratitude, let blessings be known,
Embrace the present, a canvas we own.

So, let the weight of regret finally depart,
Cherish life’s lessons, etched within the heart,
For every thread in the tapestry’s weft,
Shapes our being, who we are, life’s secrets we’ve kept.

Embrace growth’s beauty, its ceaseless change,
A range of compassion, hearts rearranged,
And know, dear soul, in life’s grand charade,
You hold the power to flourish, to serenade.

For childhood’s whispers may blend with the past,
Yet the strength of your spirit forever will last,
In the legacy you build, the love you bestow,
In the person you’ve become, seeds of greatness you sow.

Don’t let the darkness, consume your soul,
For in the light, there’s a peaceful goal.
Hope is the anchor, that keeps us afloat,
In the stormy seas, of life’s chaotic note.

Suicidal thoughts, they can be so loud,
But don’t give in, to their suffocating cloud.
For every life, is precious and grand,
And there’s a purpose, in this world so bland.

You are strong, you are brave, you are loved,
And your life, is a gift from above.
So hold on tight, to hope’s gentle hand,
And don’t give up, on this precious land.

There’s a brighter day, just beyond the night,
And a better tomorrow, with a new light.
So keep your heart, full of courage and might,
And never let go, of hope’s guiding light.

First things first,
a big thank you to all of you
who made the time to wish me
happy birthday!!

Secondly, I’m sorry about the delay
when it comes to announcing the winner
of the ”guess my age” challenge.
I wasn’t really sure how to go about it,
but I have the winner now.

Drum roll, please!!
🥁
(Sorry, this site’s crap. 😆)

And
the
winner
is
@ratunderyourbed

Congratulations!!! 🎉🎉

And once again thanks to all
who took part in the challenge
and who wished me happy birthday!!

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖊𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖚𝖑 𝖌𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖕𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖊, 𝖎 𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖆 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖘.

𝕷𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝖎𝖘 𝖆 𝖒𝖞𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘 𝖏𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖞, 𝖇𝖚𝖙 𝖆 𝖌𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖘 𝖘𝖊𝖊𝖒𝖘 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌.

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖞 𝖗𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖋𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖘 𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖓 𝖑𝖆𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖑𝖞 𝖆𝖘 𝖎𝖙 𝖋𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖘.

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆 𝖎𝖘 𝖏𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙, 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖏𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖊, 𝖘𝖜𝖆𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖟𝖊 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖑𝖞 𝖆𝖘 𝖎𝖙 𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖉𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖕𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖊.

𝕹𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊’𝖘 𝖂𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖎 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖆 𝖇𝖆𝖇𝖞 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖌𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖎𝖙𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖞, 𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖆𝖙 𝖒𝖗 𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝖜𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖆𝖘 𝖎 𝖑𝖆𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖔𝖜 𝖍𝖔𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖔 𝖇𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖈𝖚𝖊𝖉 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖉 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖑𝖉.